The Locker Lesson
My 13-year old son had started at one of the most prestigious
private schools in the nation - an honor that we were paying
$20,000 a year for and at a school that had 100 applications for
each spot! When he came home the second month with a horrified
look on his face, telling me that he'd done something awful, I
was more than a little concerned. He explained that, as a prank,
he had given a boy's locker combination to someone else. That
person had opened the locker, and trashed all the books and
belongings inside. He didn't know what to do, so he asked for my
advice.
Here's what I guided him to do: He called the boy whose locker
was trashed, told him that he was responsible, and that he would
do whatever it took to make things right. He called the boy's
parents, told them he was sorry and would do whatever it took to
make things right. Even though the mother was yelling at him and
calling him names, I stood by his side, and he continued to
apologize. The next morning, he went to the Dean's office before
his first class, told the Dean what he had done, and said he
would do whatever it took to make things right.
This was one of the most terrifying moments of my son's life up
until that time. I can remember the look of horror on his face
as the mother cursed him and called him names. I also remember
that he was able to stand up tall, with dignity and with
self-esteem, as he went to school the next morning to talk with
the Dean. He felt good about himself, not because he had made a
mistake (as everyone is going to do in life!), but because he
had the courage to stand up and admit it. He had the integrity
to take responsibility for his actions and the inner strength to
do whatever it took to make things right.
Now, you may be wondering what happened in all of this. My son
had to pay for a new lock for the boy's locker. The Dean called
me to tell me he had never in his entire career seen a student
carry himself with such dignity and such integrity. He was truly
impressed and thanked me for the guidance I'd given him, and for
raising such an incredible son with clear values.
The boy whose locker had been trashed barely talked to my son
for four years. And yet, when they were graduating from high
school and went to their elementary school reunion, it was as if
nothing had ever happened. Yes, it took some time for the wounds
to heal, but in the end everything turned out fine.
What happened to the boy who actually opened the locker and
trashed it? He refused to apologize and his parents refused to
make him apologize. He was put on detention for weeks and was
asked to leave the school at the end of the year.
We all make mistakes, some of them are big ones, some of them
are small. My son made a mistake, and in the process got to
learn a very valuable lesson.
Honesty is always the best policy. Taking responsibility for
what you say and do is essential if you want to feel good about
yourself. It's important to be willing to go to any length to
make things right when you breach your integrity. It may not be
easy. It may feel crummy and uncomfortable. You may get yelled
at. In the end, though, you'll be able to walk with your head
held high, you will be able to go to sleep in peace at night,
and you will be respected.
Most important, you will respect yourself. That may be the
greatest gift of all.