Overcoming Negative Beliefs
In India, the method for training an elephant is the following:
When the elephant is very young, its leg is tied to a small post
with a thin piece of rope. At that age the elephant hasn't the
power to break the rope or dislodge the post. It tries for a
while and then gives up. As the elephant grows, there's no
reason to increase the girth of the rope or the post. The
elephant of course reaches such size and strength that it could,
if it wanted, easily break free from the restraint. But having
tried and failed earlier, it stops trying, convinced that it's
entrapped ...Doesn't that sound like us?
Nothing has such a direct impact on our success in life as our
beliefs. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says
"What the mind conceives and believes, it achieves." Joseph
Chilton Pearce, author of Magical Child, says "Belief effects
perception." Our beliefs affect what we see and what we
accomplish.
If you're to succeed in achieving your life's dreams, you must
begin to adopt what motivational speaker Wayne Dyer calls "No
Limit Thinking." What you can't do is only what you can't do
yet. You are equipped like every other human being with the
capabilities necessary to accomplish your goals. Author Richard
Bach says:
"Nobody is given a dream without the power to make it come
true."
Unfortunately, our beliefs are resistant to change because of
the method we use for applying evidence to substantiate them.
Sometimes we develop a negative belief which starts as a
misinterpretation of an event in our lives. That
misinterpretation is reinforced by subsequent misinterpretations
to the point that the original misinterpretation is now seen as
incontrovertible fact. We make our beliefs into reality.
When I was five years old, my family moved into a new
neighborhood. The neighborhood kids had been friends with the
previous occupants and weren't open to newcomers. The day I
arrived, half the neighborhood kids were in my backyard on my
swing set. When I went out there to join in, they wouldn't let
me. They told me I didn't belong there and that I was stupid and
ugly. The wound was substantial. In that moment, I decided that
I was undesirable.
>From then on, I carried that scar with me. Each new interaction
was colored by my decision that I was undesirable. Somehow, I
would telegraph my undesirability to others who would use that
information, received unconsciously by them, to hold me at a
distance. I'd sense their distance and would use it to prove to
myself that my notion of my undesirability was accurate. Each
new interaction would reinforce my belief, and my belief would
recreate the types of interactions which proved the belief true.
Further, the inner feeling, which I'd been trained to trust as
accurate, would deepen my conviction about my own
undesirability. But was I really undesirable or was I just the
victim of my misunderstanding of the original situation?
If I were to choose to change that belief, what would I have to
face? Well, I'd have to face the feeling that the belief was
true, and I'd have to face the voices in my head that would
remind me of all the times that things happened which proved the
belief to be true. To change the belief, I'd have to fly in the
face of both historical evidence and bodily knowing in the form
of emotions. That's a lot of power! What's the answer? Where
could I find the strength to overcome such powerful evidence?
The answer is something known as reframing. Reframing is a
technique for looking at a particular situation or set of
circumstances and challenging oneself to find the most
empowering, resourceful interpretation of that situation. It
often requires creative thinking and is underlined by the idea
that no situation has an inherently correct interpretation
except that which we give it. In other words, there are many
ways to view any circumstance and our charge is not to find the
right interpretation but to find the most useful interpretation,
the one that helps us meet our goals, the one that we will also
accept as viable.
Suppose it's my goal to be happy. Which is a more useful frame
to put around the story I told about my childhood? That I was,
in fact, fundamentally undesirable or that I was a perfectly
normal child who happened to stumble into an unfriendly
situation? Which evaluation would have served me more in my
growth?
There are probably some among you who, like me in my past, feel
that reframing a situation is inherently dishonest. If you're
one of them, let me suggest that you consider the underlying
belief that your negative interpretation of a situation is
correct. Just because it feels true and has a historic context,
does that make it true? Is it not possible that your
interpretation is really a misinterpretation? Perhaps you're
holding yourself back from thriving because of outmoded
adherence to an indefensible view. Whenever I feel that I must
maintain my view of anything, I try to remember the words of Ram
Dass, who says, "You're not who you think you are." If you're
not who you think you are, how can you defend your position?
Here are some powerful reframes, which, once adopted by your
deep subconscious mind, will activate your enthusiasm,
creativity, and sense of possibility:
There are no problems, only opportunities.
Those who cause me emotional pain are my teachers, helping to
point out the emotional addictions I need to overcome.
What I've failed to accomplish doesn't prove my incapability but
my lack of adequate knowledge to this point.
There is no failure; only feedback.
When I share my pain, I become more truly human.
Take a few minutes to make your unconscious beliefs conscious.
Ask yourself what you believe about yourself, about your role in
society, about your capabilities, about the world around you,
about family and friends, about men, about women, about your
past, about your future, about God, about life and death, and
about the role of belief in your future.
Take these questions one at a time and spend one minute writing
as many answers as you can to each as quickly as you can,
without pausing to reflect. Look for ways of reframing your
unresourceful beliefs, finding empowering ways to look at your
situation without sacrificing your hold on reality. Be as
diligent as you can. With time, you will find your life becoming
more satisfying and manageable, even before you've actually done
anything to change your life circumstances.