Dealing with Change
Dealing with change.
"The only constant is change". Change is something that affects
us all in our lives some more serious and impacting than others.
Moving house, changing jobs, redundancy, divorce, losing a loved
one, death, they all affect us in different ways and our ability
to cope varies from the type of person we are, to how strong we
feel at the time, what else is going on for us at the time and
our level of stress.
When we experience change we all go through a natural response
curve that will vary according to speed and intensity from
person to person.
Essentially there are six main stages to this curve.
Shock and Denial - often when we first hear the news or
are impacted by change we experience shock, denial, confusion,
fear, numbness and blame. How often do you hear people say "I
can't believe this is happening" or appear cold, unemotional and
not react when they first hear the news?
Anger/Resistance - this often follows on after the
initial shock. Frustration, anxiety, irritation, embarrassment
and shame. Wanting to take it out on someone else or blame
someone for the situation you're in.
Dialogue/Bargaining - as we start to come to terms with
the situation we are more likely to be able to talk about it.
Often the healing part of the process happens when we are
willing to talk about what's happened. It really does help. Many
people who have been through change and emotional upheaval find
it helps to share their experience with others either in a
support group or with a professional.
Depression - at the bottom of the curve comes a sense of
overwhelm and helplessness. This may result in a complete
inability to function and no energy or motivation to do
anything. People may withdraw into themselves - physically and
mentally and switch off emotionally.
Acceptance - when you're ready to move on you are more
able to accept what has happened, start to explore new options
and put plans in place for the future. It becomes easier to
think more positively and this in itself has a beneficial effect.
Return to normality - while 'normality' may not be
possible in some cases of loss, once you have accepted the
situation, moving forward to a more secure and meaningful
existence is once again possible.
What you also find is that you will swing to and fro within the
change curve and may pass through certain stages more quickly
than others. Some people stay stuck at a particular point
because they don't know how to move on and this can hold them
back for months and even years and stops them from . You may
also find yourself going backward as you adjust to the change
before finally being able to move forward.
If you're going through a period of change - I hope that this
helps you to recognise where you are and that it's OK to feel
all these emotions. If you're having trouble dealing with a
significant change and what's significant to you may not be
significant to others - then don't be afraid to put your hand up
and ask for help and support. That may be from your partner,
friends or a professional. The quicker you learn to deal with
your emotions, the quicker you will be able to move on and grow
stronger as a result.