Personal Core Values
Each of us has our own set of values. These are what determine
which aspects of life we regard as important or beneficial. Our
values help determine our tastes, our way of life, our
entertainment, our social, political and religious interactions.
Each of us holds many values and these values are liable to
change as we grow, reach different stages of life or have
different experiences or influences in life. Some of the values
we hold may be 'superficial', transitory or fitting solely the
moment in which we find ourselves. Other values are more fixed
and may stay with us through our life; these are our 'core
values'.
Our values come from a range of sources. Our parents are a key
influence upon our values as we grow as children. So, too, is
any church or religious background we experience. Our society,
our neighbours, friends and colleagues, too, can have an
influence upon our values. So, too, can our teachers and our
schooling.
Often, school can be a place of conflict for it is there that we
experience other values perhaps for the first time. Some of the
values we experience in school can be in conflict with or
contradict the values of our parents. As we go through high
school, we start to experience values in ourselves and our peers
that conflict both with school and our parents. Conflicting and
unfixed values can be a major problem for adolescent and teenage
years.
As we grow in years and experience, our values become more
fixed, especially a set of 6 to 10 'core' values. It is these
core values that determine what is really important to us as an
individual. The surprising thing is that if you ask most people
what their values are, many would not be able to give you an
answer.
A good many people are leading lives unconnected with their core
values. This can lead to a life of unhappiness, discontent and
lack of fulfilment. Sometimes it can lead to conflict. Often the
person does not know why their life seems unhappy, unfulfilled
and sometimes full of conflict. Often, the cause is that the
life they are living is not in accordance with their personal
values.
For some people a conflict can arise within them because they
are trying to live a life according to the values of a company,
an organisation, a religious or political organisation, the
values of their friends or colleagues or partner, rather than
living a life according to their own core values. In doing this,
the values of the other people or organisations are being met
but the person's own values are being left unfulfilled.
This is not to say that a person is always wrong to seek to
support and fulfil the values of other people or organisations.
However, leaving your own values unfulfilled can lead to
frustration and unhappiness. A key issue in this, though, is
that the person may believe they are doing the right thing by
working to the values of others and yet still feel a sense of
frustration and unfulfilment; -the reason being that they may be
unaware of their own values or, maybe, feel guilty of their own
values where they conflict with the values of others. So, if you
feel your life is unfulfilled, unhappy, or maybe has too much
conflict, then it could be that you are leading a life that does
not accord with your core values. The question is; do you know
your own personal core values?
Hiring a personal life coach can certainly help you to discover
your personal values but for those who want to start the
discovery for themselves, try answering the following question;
What, in life, is important to you?
Don't think about your answers (yes, there's likely to be more
than one thing that's important to you), at least don't think
about them at first. Just write down whatever comes into your
head, no matter how strange, amusing or worrying they may seem.
These first answers are probably your 'gut' or 'intuitive'
answers; sometimes these are closer to the truth than answers
that you 'think' about. Next, think about what is important in
life for you. Take some time to consider your answers before
writing them down in a word or short phrase. Don't worry if the
some of the same answers appear in your first list; - just write
them down again.
Now you have two lists. Take a look at them; is there anything
there that surprises you or anything that worries you? Sometimes
people can be quite surprised by what they write down and
occasionally they may write down something that shocks them or
they feel guilty about.
Quite common words that people put on their list of values
include ; 'money', 'success', 'family', 'wife/husband/partner',
'growth', 'power'. If you find one, or more, of these words on
your list, ask yourself another question;
What does (the word) mean for me?
So you may ask, 'what does money mean for me'. To which the
answer could be; money means security, or money means success,
or money means freedom, or money means being able to provide for
my family.
By answering the second question you can help uncover the real
or underlying value for you. So for you, money is not the real
value, it is 'security' or 'being successful' or 'being
independent' or 'being able to provide for my family' that is
the real value.
So, by doing these simple exercises, you are beginning to
discover your personal core values. The next exercise is to ask
your self 'how do my life, my work and my relationships help
fulfil my personal values?' If you find that they do not help
you fulfil your personal values then perhaps you should consider
changing your life. To do that; get a life coach.