"4 Tips For Moving Forward When Your Relationship has Ended"
It seems that everywhere you look, many long-standing (or short)
relationships and/or marriages are dissolving. If you're like
most people, when this happens, you find yourself stuck in
thinking about the past, wondering what went wrong, and unable
to move from the pain of the relationship. You might even fear
that any future relationship will turn out the same.
It doesn't matter whether you left the relationship or were
left-the best advice we can give you is to learn from the past
and not carry old "baggage" into the new life you envision for
yourself.
Here are 4 ideas to help you move forward in a more empowering
way:
Tip 1: Never look at a relationship (or anything else) that
hasn't worked out as a failure
Often it's the seed of a current or past "failure" that fuels
you to the very success that you've always dreamed of. It sounds
trite, but there's always something you can learn from every
experience.
Past relationships give you a clearer picture of what you want
and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time
to examine them. It's the power of contrast that living in an
unfulfilling relationship can give you that can lead to you
creating the relationship that you do want.
What we've learned is that if a relationship has ended, it is
not a bad thing or a failure that our society likes to label it.
It just may be that you have learned what it is that you were
supposed to learn by being with that other person and it's time
to move on to other "lessons."
It might also be a chance for both people to look at what
happened and to learn to "do it differently" the next time.
Tip 2: Turn from the past and look toward the future ...YOUR
future
It's easy to get stuck in the past when a relationship ends.
You will begin to heal and move forward when you begin thinking
and writing about what you want for your life, today and in the
future.
Setting goals is very important in this process of turning to
your new life. The famous motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar said
that he had never met a truly depressed person who had goals for
his/her life and we know that this is true. Take some time right
now to create some new goals for your new life and then start
taking small steps toward those goals.
Tip 3: Take responsibility for your part-no more and no less
When a relationship ends, very often we want to assign fault and
blame, either to ourselves or to the other person. When you are
in a healthy relationship with another person, both people are
equally responsible for the relationship. If a relationship
ends, the same thing usually applies. No matter who appears to
be at fault when challenges come up, both people are
responsible.
You can only heal when you let go of assigning "fault" and
"blame" and focus on what you want to change about yourself and
what you want to create in a relationship.
This can be a very difficult process if you are hanging on to
the need to be right, anger, judgments and unexpressed
resentments.
Taking responsibility means accepting what's true about what you
have or have not contributed to the relationship that ended and
considering what you intend to contribute to relationships in
the future.
Tip 4: Learn from and give thanks for the lessons that you
learned and change your attitude
As painful as it is to hear, the truth is that everything in
your life (including your relationships) is a result of the
choices you have made up until now. If you don't like the
circumstances in your life or relationships, decide to make
other choices.
This could mean changing your attitude from blame to acceptance.
It could mean opening up to bringing new people into your life.
It could mean deciding to be a better person in your current
relationships. It could mean being grateful for what you have.
Being grateful for where you are and what you've learned will be
a positive movement toward creating what you want in your life.
Change your attitude and you will change your life.
When a relationship ends, it's tempting to close down and vow
never to get in another relationship again or even rush into a
new relationship. Instead, we invite you to take the time to
learn from past relationships, be in gratitude for where you are
and start moving toward the relationships and life that you
really want.