You Made A Mistake? Way To Go!
You Made A Mistake? Way To Go! Mistakes have gotten a really bad
rap. Whether you call it an error, a blunder, a screw-up, a faux
pas, a gaffe or a boo-boo, no one wants to be guilty of
committing one. The fear of not performing "up to snuff" leads
many people to procrastinate or even worse, never to act at all.
For many, this has become a major debilitating problem. Besides
the obvious lack of productivity and the numerous aborted
projects, this pathological postponement of duties leads to: -a
guilty conscience -inability to enjoy our free time -harsh
internal criticism -severe mental conflict -rationalization
(that even we ourselves don't believe) -lowered self-esteem Our
list is hardly complete but it's already hideous enough. SO WHAT
IS THE BIG DEAL ALREADY? Why does making a mistake seem like
such a life and death situation for so many of us? I believe it
has to do with the fact that for many of us, doing things right,
learning quickly, being a smart kid, was likely one of the major
sources of appreciation or approval we ever got. It may have
been the ONLY time we got noticed. In fact, for those of us who
were quick studies, the few times that we were not able to catch
on with lightning speed caused us great discomfort, as if we
were about to be robbed of our only source of approval, our one
and only avenue of acceptance. As children, although we may have
been praised when we did something right, we were probably
ignored, admonished or even ridiculed when we weren't able to
perform so flawlessly. As young children, this type of reaction
provided us a mirror or reflection of who we were based solely
on our performance. It defined our value. As adults, although we
might realize intellectually that making a mistake is not a big
deal, that it is a simply part of a learning process, we still
have a tendency to respond from a deep emotional level that is
no longer relevant. WOULD EVERYONE WHO IS NOT HERE PLEASE LEAVE?
We need to tell these invisible critics to shut up, please leave
the room, take a flying leap, or whatever else occurs to us at
the moment. We've allowed them to hang around for far too long.
Personally, I prefer the more courteous approach, but since no
one is REALLY around to get their feelings hurt, you may wish to
just tell these ghosts to get the hell out! The crucial point is
that you make your intention to banish these disembodied voices
crystal clear to yourself. In actuality, you're the only one you
have to reckon with here. ALLOW ME TO ILLUSTRATE... Several
years ago, I bought myself a piano. This was a glorious treat
for me. I was living in my own place, no family, no roomies, no
boyfriends, nobody but me and my beloved piano. (And a couple of
pussy cats but they didn't care how I played as long as I kept
the food coming!) Now I could play to my heart's content without
any unwanted listeners lurking about. However, every time I sat
down at the keyboard, the room "filled up" with this invisible
audience, ghostly faces ready to wince at any sour note or
fumbled chord. I was playing for my ego, trying to win the
approval of these phantom ears floating about my music room. And
of course, the true music got lost in the deal. Is this anything
like what happens to you when you try something new? Are there
invisible critics watching over your shoulder, interfering with
your concentration? It doesn't seem to matter what type of new
activity we wish to undertake. It could be something as simple
as learning a new software program or something as ambitious as
tackling a bold new approach to earning a fabulous living. Is it
possible that the actual goal has gotten lost in the melee of
ego and the fear of not getting it right the first time? Does
the idea of not having a completed blueprint of your journey
prevent you from taking the first step? BRAVO FOR BLUNDERS
Here's a technique, seemingly simple and silly, but very
effective just the same in combatting this tendency to stay
stuck in our well-worn rut. When you become aware of any mistake
or misstep you have made, respond to it in this radically
different way. PRAISE yourself for discovering something that
did not work. That's right, be glad! Acknowledge that you are
now one step closer to finding the solution you are after.
Yessss! Now for the really important part. Be certain to
acknowledge to yourself, preferably out loud, that by making the
mistake at hand you did NOT suddenly become stupid, puny or
otherwise diminished. Make note of the fact that you are every
bit as solid a person as you were before the mistake, and that
you are now a tad wiser besides. That's it. But do it. The only
way you'll ever learn to feel differently about yourself is to
start feeling differently about yourself. You and only you
control what you think. Think well of yourself.