The Fog of Transition
The Fog of Transition by Mary Ann Bailey, MC
Much of my coaching is spent helping people in transition make
decisions regarding the next phase of their lives. Some of them
are looking for their next professional path. Some are trying to
figure out relationship issues, and others are wondering if they
really could achieve a long-held dream.
The decisions that my clients make around these issues are
obviously important ones, yet making decisions in the middle of
a life transition can sometimes be a little complicated.
Setting Sail I compare going through a life transition to
setting sail on a foggy sea. As you begin your transition, you
can still see the shoreline. At this point, you may not even
realize you are in a transition. You are very excited about the
possibilities of changing a part of your life; and you can
hardly wait to set sail and explore the distant shores. Yet, as
you sail further out to sea, or further into your transition,
you lose sight of the familiar shoreline. The fog begins to
settle in around you. You can't make out where you are going,
and you can no longer see where you came from.
This feeling of drifting at sea with no port in sight can be
very unnerving for many of us. We live in a culture that wants
fast and definitive answers to our questions. We want quick
solutions to our problems. And we want fast and easy ways out of
the fog of transition.
The Discomfort of Uncertainty So, when we find ourselves in the
middle of this kind of uncertainty, it can be very easy to give
in to the discomfort of not knowing exactly where we are going
or what we need to do next. We hear critical voices telling us
that we have made a mistake, or that we don't really have what
it takes to find our way through the fog.
We begin to feel anxious and notice that our resolve to making
the change is slowly slipping away. It is at this point when it
can be easy to decide to quit the journey and return to the
comfort of our old and familiar shoreline.
But if we let the voices of fear and doubt override the voices
coming from our heart, we are apt to make decisions about our
future that may not serve us well in the long run.
One of my clients, Anne, had always had an interest in graphic
design. She recently had left her corporate job to pursue her
life-long dream of starting her own graphics business.
In the beginning she was very motivated. She talked to people,
gathered information, and started planning what she needed to
do. Yet, as time went by and she found herself running into
little snags, she began to question her initial decision.
She had made the choice to leave a comfortable, if somewhat
stifling, world behind her, to set sail for a distant shore that
she could only see in her heart; and for her that was very
frightening.
Anne found being betwixt and between extremely uncomfortable and
very anxiety producing. She began to question her ability to
succeed, her commitment to her dream, and her overall desire to
start a graphics business.
Although she was being encouraged to stay the course by me, as
well as by many friends, she also was being pressured by other
friends and family members to return to the security of the
corporate world. In the end she made the decision to go back to
her old job.
The Timing of Decisions Whether this decision was the right one
or not isn't really important. What is important is the timing
of Anne's decision. She chose to go back to her old job when she
was feeling the most scared and vulnerable. And ironically, it
is at this very point, when we are at our lowest, that we need
to put our full trust in the transition process.
We need to believe that if we keep ourselves open to the
experience, and if we continue to move slowly towards our goal,
we will eventually sail out of the fog and find ourselves in a
new and wonderful place.
But this is a hard leap of faith for some people to make. Anne's
decision was not really about her life plan. It was about
relieving the discomfort she felt at that time. She was trading
in her long-held dream for instant relief from a transitory
uneasiness.
Staying one's course in the midst of confusion and doubt can be
extremely difficult, but there are things that one can do to
successfully navigate any transition.
Tips for Successful Transitions First, before you set sail make
sure that you have a strong support network in place. This
network can consist of friends, colleagues, a spouse, a mentor,
or a coach. Just make sure that they understand what you want
and that they are willing and able to truly support you in your
journey.
Second, familiarize yourself with the process of transition. The
more you know what to expect, the better able you will be to
withstand the times of uncertainty. Two of my favorite books on
transition are: "The Way of Transition" by William Bridges and
"Silver Linings" by Melissa Gayle West.
Third, remember that slow and steady wins the race. Listen to
the voice in your heart, not the gremlins in your head. Use your
support system when you start to waver.
And finally, always keep your dream in front of you as a
constant beacon guiding you through the fog.