TEENAGE SEPARATION
"Why are you here on this planet?"
That is the question I asked my daughter Mackenzie when she was
seven years old. I was shocked by her deep immediate response.
She said, "So people can watch me and learn."
I asked, "Do you mean to be a teacher?"
"No," was her reply.
"Do you mean to be an example?"
"Yes," she said. "I am here to be an example. I am here so
people can watch me and learn."
Those were probably the most profound words Mackenzie has ever
spoken. Like I mentioned so many times in my book, "Message
Sent," she is a great teacher for me. By her example, I see and
learn more about myself each and every day.
Mackenzie is almost twelve now and is separating from her dad
and me. My spirit says this is normal, but my ego says, "Wait!
Hold on! I miss you. You can't grow up quite so fast. I love you
and don"t want to let you go."
If you have ever had children, you know how painful this
separation process can be. You feel as if a part of your heart
is ripping out. That's why you want to control it. But because I
know that everything is a reflection to me, I have to go within
and see what Mackenzie's spirit is showing me.
I imagine myself as a girl Mackenzie's age and ask her what is
this sadness she is feeling. I am surprised by the answer.
Terri, the pre-teen within me says, "I miss the little girl that
I was. I am so torn. I just want to be hugged. But I can't. I
have to grow up and be strong."
As I hear those words I mourn for that young girl inside of me.
She had such pain separating. There was a part of her that
wanted to be a cuddly little kid and then there was a side of
her that felt she had to grow up. As a result, she separated
from the little inner child in every aspect of her life. She
pushed the little girl she had been down so deep that she forgot
her. She no longer loved and acknowledged the little kid inside
of her.
Now as I watch Mackenzie I am once again so thankful for the
gift that she is showing me. I realize that the sadness I feel
is not really about Mackenzie separating from me. It is the
separation I created within myself a very long time ago. I never
allowed myself to FEEL the emotions of it all.
I know that I have judged Mackenzie at times during this
separation process. Now I realize that the feelings I have been
projecting onto her are ones from the past. But because I am
allowing myself to feel everything and am telling that pre-teen
girl inside of me that she is accepted and loved for the
separation process she went through years ago, I no longer need
to control Mackenzie.
I am so thankful for this gift and for the many more I know will
come. Mackenzie has reflected me as a little child. Now I guess
it's time to see the teenager. Oh, boy! This ought to be fun!!!
Terri Amos is a spiritual coach, motivational speaker,
wife, mother and step-mom. It was on her path to self-discovery,
self-acceptance, and true authenticity that Terri was guided
through meditation to share the knowledge she was experiencing
first hand in a unique journal that is spiritual, practical,
revelatory and prescriptive. Titled, Message Sent, the book
chronicles her day-to-day journey of challenges and healing with
love, candor and humor. In addition, she offers the reader the
benefit of her insight and inspirations and shares the tools she
found helpful to herself.