It's Your Life So Make the Most of It
Nathaniel Branden - It's Your Life So Make the Most of It
One of the most important ingredients in your personal
development is taking real responsibility for your actions. This
requires that you consciously become the cause of the results
that you want. Refuse to behave like a victim... or to wait for
someone to save you from life's problems. Keys to
Self-responsibility
To reach your full potential, you need to take responsibility
for your actions in meaningful ways...
Consciousness. You have a choice -- you can pay attention and be
fully present when you are making critical decisions, such as
working on a project, reading your performance review or
deciding whether to have another drink. Or you can be physically
present but mentally absent during these activities. Either way,
you are responsible for the level of consciousness you bring to
any occasion -- and you are responsible for the results.
Decisions and actions. It is tempting to "disconnect" from our
choices -- to insist that someone or something is driving us to
behave the way we do. Other people don't make you talk or act in
certain ways. You are responsible for how you speak and
listen... whether you act rationally or not... whether you treat
others fairly or unfairly... whether you keep your promises or
break them. Once you recognize that you are the source of your
own decisions and actions, you are far more likely to proceed
wisely -- and to act in ways that will not cause embarrassment
or regret later.
Fulfillment of desires. A major cause of unhappiness or
frustration is imagining that someone will come along to
"rescue" you -- to solve your problems and fulfill your wishes.
A self-responsible person recognizes that no one is coming to
make life right or to "fix" things. You acknowledge that nothing
will get better unless you do something to make it happen.
Beliefs and values. Many people are happy to reflect passively
what others believe and value. Or they assume that their ideas
arise naturally out of their feelings -- by instinct.
Self-responsible people work to become aware of their beliefs
and values... to critically scrutinize them... to seek out
people who see things differently... and then to make up their
own minds.
Setting priorities. The way we spend time and energy is either
in sync with our values or out of sync with what we claim is
important. If you understand that the way you prioritize your
time is your own choice, you are more likely to correct the
contradictions. Instead of being overwhelmed or neglecting
people and activities that are important to you, you reexamine
your values or set priorities that make more sense.
Choice of companions. You can blame and resent others when they
repeatedly hurt or disappoint you. You can feel sorry for
yourself. Or you can recognize your responsibility for choosing
with whom you spend time... and make different choices.
Actions in response to feelings and emotions. When you're angry,
you have the urge to lash out. When you're hurt, you may feel
like sulking. When you're impatient, you may want to drive too
fast. But you don't have to act on every feeling or urge. When
you accept responsibility for the actions you take, you act more
thoughtfully... less impulsively... and with better results.
Happiness. If you believe your happiness is primarily in your
own hands, you give yourself enormous power. You don't wait for
events or other people to make you happy. If something is wrong,
your response is not, "Someone's got to do something!" but "What
can I do?"
One's own life and well being. In taking responsibility for your
life, you will recognize other people's rights to do the same.
Other people do not exist as means to your ends, any more than
you live in service to their goals. People may choose to help me
another -- voluntarily. Life is usually more pleasant when they
do so. But no one is born with a right to other people's assets
or energy -- despite the attitude of entitlement that is so
prevalent today.
Learning self-responsibility. You can become more responsible by
asking yourself two powerful questions several times a day...
What possibilities for action exist?
What can I do? Instead of just saying, "I want...," try asking
yourself, "What am I willing to do to get what I want?" To
become more aware of whether you are acting responsibly, ask
yourself, If I wanted to be fully self-responsible right now,
what would I be doing?
Try this exercise: Every morning for one week, write six to 10
endings to each of the following sentences...
If I operate a little more self-responsibly today, I will...
If I am 5% more self-responsible in my relationships, I will...
If I accept responsibility for my choices and decisions, I
will... Don't worry about what you should say. Just write the
first words that come to mind. Over the weekend, reread the
week's sentences. Then write six to 10 endings for this
sentence...
If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if
I... Done consistently, this exercise helps to shift your mental
focus. Changes are often quick -- and dramatic.