Mindfulness and Sex: Right There, Right Now
Mindfulness is downright sexy.
After all, what's hotter than a partner who is paying attention?
Being Right There, fully in the moment, is about as perfect as
it gets.
So, it comes as a bit of a surprise to me that we don't really
use the term "mindfulness" in relation to loving
relationships--let alone love in the afternoon.
This should be common, mainstream,
slap-your-forehead-and-say-"Duh!" kind of knowledge. I don't
pretend to be an expert on what goes on between the sheets
(although I did conceive and give birth to four children within
five years) but I do know this: it is absolutely completely
impossible to have a truly satisfying romantic sexual moment
unless you are Right There in it.
Oh, sure, it's possible to experience physical pleasure when
your mind is on something--or someone--other than that which
shares your sheets. But we're talking about meaningful,
connected, one-with-the-universe kind of lovemaking, and that,
my friends, calls for Mindfulness with a capital M.
It doesn't have to be tantric. You don't have to master every
kama sutra position. It doesn't need to be burn-the-house-down
wild. You don't even need any props or helpful devices.
It can be your regular Tuesday night missionary position in your
socks and still be ka-ZAM--if you're paying attention.
Oh, and here's a not-so-secret secret: if you are paying
attention, chances are good that your partner will be affected
and grateful enough to start paying more attention as well. See
how that works?
Just as some people expect to have meaningful family dinners
with the television blaring, some folks attempt to have
feel-the-earth-move sex while conjuring grocery lists or project
memos in their heads.
Not possible.
By bringing mindfulness to the bedroom and beyond, you will also
bring a greater sense of intention and focus, and your body will
do a lot better when your mind is on the same page. Instead of
following those magazine articles that tell you "what do to in
bed to drive him/her wild!!!!!" it would be more beneficial to
focus on what NOT to do. In other words, do only that which you
are doing, and nothing else.
The next time you get lucky, get mindful. Be Right There, fully
immersed in your sensations, connections, and loving
communications with your partner. Put your whole heart--and
mind--into it.
Now, that's sexy.