Real Friends
About a year ago, I was talking to a friend of mine on the
telephone. He had just experienced a big success in his career
and wanted to brag. We had a great time cheering and laughing
over his big moment. Then as we were wrapping up our phone call,
he apologized for gloating to me. I blew it off telling him,
"Don't apologize! Real friends are people that you can cry with
during the bad times and gloat with during the good times.
Everyone else expects you to be politically correct in your
behaviors." What's the point of having friends if you can't be
yourself around them?
A friend is someone to cry with during the bad times. Everyone
knows how great it is to have a friend during your time of need
to cry on their shoulder. In reality, people don't like it if
you cry on their shoulder for very long. So the sign of a real
friend is that you can cry on their shoulder until you're done
crying. And if you're crying too long, your friend will make you
snap out of it. They help you to pull yourself back together
rather than just give a superficial "There there dearie" and
then going on about their lives. You'll be able to tell real
quick who your real friends are during the crisis and uglier
times of your life. They're the only ones still hanging around.
A friend is some to gloat with during the good times. We're all
raised that it's distasteful to brag and to come across as
egotistical. The result is that most of us are afraid to say
much of anything positive about ourselves. You're allowed to
celebrate a job promotion, a marriage, or the birth of a child,
but it's supposed to be done with class and style. A real friend
is someone that you can call up and spend twenty minutes telling
them what an awesome job you just did on a project at work and
how you feel so incredibly proud of yourself and they are going
to be happy for you. They are not going to chastise you for
being arrogant. When you have some serious politics going on at
work and you pull of a brilliant career move, your friend is
going to cheer with you and laugh along with you as you succeed.
A friend is someone to rage with when life is really unfair.
That's not to say they're going to help you plot your ex's
murder or anything like that, but when you're really ticked off
and need to vent, they'll be there for you. You can safely tell
your real friends just how angry you are and they'll help you
find ways to dissipate the anger and to eventually let it go.
Humor is a wonderful way that friends have of helping us to let
go of our anger. Rather then help you plot the murder, they can
throw out a few wonderfully witty comments about your ex and get
you laughing again. Know matter what it is that you're upset
about, your real friends will be there for you.
A friend is someone to dream with while plotting your goals.
Real friends make awesome cheerleaders. They believe in you and
in your ability to achieve your goals. Everyone else may be
politely disinterested in what you're planning to do with your
life, but your real friends will be thrilled to hear about what
you're doing. They'll help you to brainstorm ideas and will
pitch in to help you make your dreams come true whenever
possible.
A friend is someone to pray with for support. We've all seen the
research and the studies show that the power of prayer is
magical no matter who or what it is that you think you're
praying to. The studies also show that whenever two or more
people get together to pray, that they power becomes
increasingly strong. From my own experience I would like to
point out that when you have a real friend pray with you instead
of a well meaning acquaintance, that the increased power is so
much greater. Yes the stranger helps, but nothing beats the
power of a friend's prayers.
A friend is someone that you can laugh with until you make that
funny snorting sound. Only with my dearest friends have I
laughed so hard that tears poured down my face. I have shared
funny stories with my friends that I'd never share with
coworkers and such. Part of it is because with real friends
there is a trust level and you know that you have similar views
about what's humor and what's not. So, you can share jokes that
otherwise might not be appropriate to tell the church ladies
after service. Real friends laugh together.
My daughter wanted me to add this last one. A friend is someone
to burp and fart with because they don't care if you are a real
person. She has determined that the reason her best friend has
trouble getting along with the other girls at school is because
her friend doesn't realize that you can't do that sort of thing
in front of people that are only polite superficial surface
level friends. My daughter says that because they're best
friends it's okay if one of them burps or farts in the presence
of the other, but they can't do it in front of anyone else. I
suppose she makes a valid point.
I'm not saying you should be a completely trashy mess of bad
manners and selfishness around your friends, but at least know
that with real friends you can be yourself and they aren't going
to turn their back on you. If you have to walk on eggshells, be
on your best manners, or monitor your every word and action,
then you're probably not with a real friend. A real friend is
one of life's greatest blessings, don't forget to give thanks.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge