Recreating Yourself
So it's time for a change. You've taken that hard look in the
mirror and you've decided that who you are is not who you want
to be. Or perhaps you're standing at a fork in the road and
where you'd like to go requires that you make some changes.
Maybe you're just really bored with your life as you've been in
that same old rut for so long that you just want to scream if
you spend another day doing the same amazingly boring things all
over again. The reasons for change are as varied as the people
making the decision to do so. The only thing you have to
remember is that the change must come from you, not from someone
else. And it can't be a gift to someone else, it won't work.
Ultimately, recreating ourselves is a very personal choice and a
very personal decision that others really can't help us with.
Your wife thinks you drink too much and should quit. Your
parents think you screw off too much and need to pull better
grades. Your boss thinks you're a slacker and you need to be
more professional. If the people in your life are hammering you
to change, then it may be time to take a long hard look in the
mirror. To some extent you have to be open to the idea that they
may be right. However, they aren't you. They can't walk in your
shoes. Nobody can completely totally understand another person.
Only you really know what is right for you. Only you can pick
your path in life, who you choose to walk with along the way,
and what kind of person you are while traveling. Some people are
misunderstood visionary geniuses. Others are simply rebellious
and lazy. Most of us fall somewhere in between. You cannot let
others dictate who or what you are to become. The choice to
recreate yourself must come from within.
Now if you've looked deep within and you've decided that you
want to change because you would be happier, then it's time to
start. My personal moment came when I realized that I was only
twenty-five and was never ever going to fall in love again and
was going to be shattered and heartbroken for another fifty
years or so before I'd finally get to roll over and die. A very
morbid thought I know, but that's exactly my point. At some
point you do the math asking yourself, "If I stay just like this
- on this path - with this mindset - with this income level -
with these people surrounding me - with this lifestyle - How
will my life look in five years? In ten? In fifty?" It can be an
incredibly sobering and depressing answer. Mine was, so I made a
decision to change who I was so that the next fifty years would
at least be different with a chance of happiness. I think we can
safely assume that if you're reading this, then you aren't one
of those people who is happily moving through life on a path
they love, with people they love, and an attitude that is a joy
to behold. If that is you, thank you! Please continue to role
model it for everyone else and whenever possible cheer someone
on as they make the changes to do the same. As for the rest of
us who've hit that point where after analysis we've decided to
make a fresh start as someone else other than who we are, where
do we start?
The first thing I would recommend is looking at your natural
gifts. In some other articles I've given some exercises and such
to find some of the core pieces of yourself. It doesn't matter
if you take some of those personality tests like the
Meyers-Briggs or any others. The idea is that there are certain
core aspects of ourselves that are never really going to change
very much. For example, you like to work alone or as part of a
team. You may be extremely introverted or extroverted. You may
be incredibly musical or you may be very mathematical. Whatever
the gifts and challenges you were born with are what they are.
Recreating yourself isn't about denying the root of who you are.
It's about molding and shaping the other things like attitude
and such.
I wanted to become one of those people who had lots of
self-confidence and was dynamic and bubbly. I wanted to be one
of those people who could laugh out loud at a joke and not feel
self-conscious that I might sound like a donkey - hee haaaaaw!!
Along with picking a new career path that flattered my real
skills and the lifestyle I wanted to move towards, I began
pretending that I was one of those women who walked tall and
proud. I pretended that people liked me and found me
fascinating. I pretended that I had my act together. There came
a day about a year later when I realized that I wasn't faking it
anymore. I've been quite a character ever since!
Now a word of warning... sometimes the people who knew us before
we made all of the personal changes refuse to see us as new and
improved. That's especially true of family members. They knew
you when you were a whiny kid. They knew you when you went
through that really bad divorce and turned into a real nutcase.
Sometimes they have their own ugly issues to work out and are
bitter that you are role modeling positive changes. This is
easier said then done, but believe me when I say this - It's
none of your business what they think of you. You didn't change
yourself so that they would like you better. You changed so that
you would like you better. Hold your head up high and laugh out
loud with confidence and joy. Don't allow anyone to take your
new life away from you.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge