How Do I Compare?
Body image is a big issue for some and a small issue for
others...but it is an issue of some kind for almost everybody.
Some people feel they are too wide. Others feel they are too
thin. Some are too bald. Others too graying. Some too tall.
Others too short.
Celebrities are not immune. Michael Jackson thinks he is too
tanned. Pamela Anderson thinks she is too top-heavy. No, bottom
heavy. No, make that top heavy. It gets hard to keep track. Even
Oprah has had to struggle with body image.
I was reminded of this issue while shaving off my beard. Until
recently, my face pranced around fully nude, flouting all local
ordinances of public decency. Amazingly, my face was never
arrested for this.
For the background on my recent beard-growing experience:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/beard1.html
I was keenly aware that seven-month old Little Sister would not
recognize me without the beard I have sported for the most
recent quarter of her life. She gets upset enough when my wife
puts her hair up.
So I slowly shaved off my beard, letting Little Sister watch and
touch so she would know that the "after picture" is still her
papa. Here are the before, during and after pictures, by the
way: http://www.thehappyguy.com/beard3.html
This got me thinking about how much we depend on body image for
recognition. When somebody loses 60 or 70 pounds, people don't
always recognize her. Nor if she cuts her long, flowing hair
really short. Nor if she grows a beard.
In the animal kingdom, creatures recognize each other more by
smell. Which is Mrs. Meow won't let Mr. Meow in after that
barroom brawl with Mr. Skunk.
Some animals rely on sound to recognize each other. That's why
birds chirp, wolves howl and trees bark.
And some animals rely on sight. The peacock struts his feathers
to lure the peahen into thinking she's found Mr. Right. She
falls for that trick every time. So much for thousands of years
of evolution.
We humans rely on body image to recognize ourselves, too. A
positive body image says, "I am a success." A negative body
image says, "I am a failure."
How big a problem is body image? Just check all these email
offers to regrow my head fur, lose surplus luggage and enlarge
various body mechanisms.
I knew the body image industry was getting out of control when
my wife called to me. "Honey, I got another of those emails."
"Which emails?" I asked.
"It asks how I compare to the other men in the locker room."
"Uh-huh..." I wondered where this was going.
"Well, I'm worried."
Uh-oh. Suddenly I was worried.
"I've never been there."
"Where?" I asked.
"In the locker room."
"That's great news," I said with relief.
"But how will I know," she complained, "how I compare to the
other men in the locker room."
"How do I compare?" That is the question some evil sorcerer has
planted in far too many hearts. My little brother was a
body-building enthusiast in his youth. Now in his flabby years,
he is too shy to wear a swimming suit in public ... except under
his parka.
Why do so many people limit themselves by asking, "How do I
compare?" Why do we allow other people to set our standards? Why
don't we paint our own portraits? I wrote a short fairy tale on
this in my book, Climb Your Stairway to Heaven. The fairytale is
reprinted here:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/Self-Esteem-Three-Pigs.html
So who sets these standards? TV, advertising, catalogs. Skimming
through the Sears catalogue, I discovered that women are
supposed to be anorexic and men are not allowed to leave the
gym. Thin hair is a no-no, and gray hair is out of the question.
And nobody in Catalogue Land ever ages. What an education! I
guess I'm just not normal.
But I don't have time to worry about being normal. I have to
keep my eyes open for police officers. After shedding it's fur
coat, my face is once again flouting those public decency
ordinances.