Inner Healing
All people have experienced childhood hurts, albeit some more
than others. None-the-less, we have all had them. Whether it is
a lack of children's developmental skills, a lack of adults
recognizing the need to help them, or both ~ childhood hurts do
not go away on their own. We can stifle those wounds at times,
accuse and try to convince the perpetrator of their error,
exhaust ourselves emotionally, cry a spell and think it's better
now, etc. But, it isn't.
We have all heard it said of children, "They'll get over it."
In a little while, they will be playing again; which leads us to
believe that statement is true. But, it isn't. We could be 90
years old and still not have gotten over it ~ which is sure to
be relived, again, as minds regress.
If you happen to be in the grocery store, see a child
accidentally cause an orange to drop to the floor (if you see
that child get smacked, or even if you don't) and it brings back
a reminder in your childhood ~ that hurt is still there.
Sometimes, trigger words will bring back a memory. Other times,
it will be an event. But, any and every time a memory is
triggered more than once (being it months or years apart), that
wound is still there.
As adults, we can often find understanding for other's
failures; they were having a bad day, they may not have fully
understood the significance of their error, or just anything.
And, even when we can't otherwise reason, we come to learn the
importance of forgiving, for our own benefit.
However, when children are wounded, (as a rule) adults do not
help them to understand. They may not have offered the
reassuring hug that lets that child know they are still loved.
Adults probably did not teach that child in the area of praying
for our enemies and they may not have defended them at all.
Often times, adults were just ignorant of the child's spiritual
need. But, many times, too ~ adults did not treat children with
the same respect as they would others. Physical and verbal
lashings often gave blows to children when they weren't even the
culprit. Then, there were those occasions where adults had no
business rearing children at all.
Moses was hid from Pharaoh. Jesus was kept from Herod. Satan
seeks to destroy the child and that includes us, too. We were
wounded, as a child, and that 'child within' still hurts; as
deeply as the day the event occurred ... which is one reason why
we try blame, anger, and about everything else first.
We can not change the past. Neither can we change others. But,
we can change what becomes of us now. And, before we can begin a
healthy journey, we have to rid ourselves of all that extra
baggage (all that sorrow, anger, and rage that sometimes even
physically binds us).
Maybe they neither want or deserve forgiveness. Or, maybe, they
are still blinded in their error. None-the-less, we have been
made free from the sins of our fathers and it is up to us to
take hold of that freedom. __________________
Get out pen and paper, if you will. Make a list of every hurt
that comes to mind. It is alright if you do not remember
everything. Just write down what you do. You can even ask God to
help you remember. (1. Billy stole my watch. 2. Aunt Jane lied
about me. 3. Dad didn't come to my game, when he promised.)
Sure, you may have gotten blind sided with a baseball bat. But,
children have such tender and trusting hearts that the little
things count, too. Do not be surprised if your first list is
really long. But if not, what you have will be fine. Then, once
your list is finished, put it aside for a bit.
Next, consider what your relationship with God has been like.
Do you hold Him at arm's length, like dad did you? Maybe you try
not to annoy God with little things, waiting until something
becomes insurmountable before you ask for help. Maybe you
envision God as a devil with a whip, just waiting for you to
mess up. As is often the case, the kind of relationship we have
with our earthly father is the same way we perceive God; making
it even more important to be free of wounds, once and for all,
so we can enjoy the relationship with God that He had always
intended.
No matter how great one's father was or is, God is even
greater. He is the most ultimately, supremely, perfect Father
that ever was, is, or ever will be. He wants to be your
everything! If you can envision what your view of a perfect
father might be, consider that God is all that and even more!
So, if you will, let's remember the child, now. "Daddy God, I
have a boo, boo. Can you make it better?" Oh, yes, He can!
Envision Daddy God, the most perfect Father ever, sitting in a
rocking chair. You run to Him with a need, like little ones
often do. He picks you up, sets you in His lap, kisses the
wound, holds and rocks you, and caresses you (as any loving
father should) until all is well. Oh, what joy is found in the
arms of Daddy's love!
Ok, now that we have a glimpse of God, as our Heavenly Father,
consider picking one item on your list (only one) and bringing
Him a boo, boo. And, it is ok to start with one that was a
lesser hurt.
When wounded as adults, we can reason and find resolve as an
adult. However, when the child is wounded, it is the child that
needs to be healed.
Once you have made your selection and found a private place, to
be undisturbed, go back in time. How old are you, 4, 8, a teen?
Remember what happened and how it felt.
The first time, you might not be comfortable running into
Daddy's arms. That's ok. Just envision Daddy God in His rocking
chair, walk up to Him and climb into His lap. Then, begin
telling Him what happened.
If you sat in someone else's lap, you wouldn't expect them to
know the problem unless you verbalized it. So, say the words out
loud. Yes, God already knows everything you think and feel. But,
it is important for you to let the feelings out, so they will no
longer be bottled up inside you. Tell God what happened, how it
made you feel, why it hurts so much, and anything else that
comes to mind. Hug God's neck, feel free to cry, and let Him
rock you for however long you need. When another thought comes
to mind, say it out loud, too. Stay until all emotions are
spent, as you do not want them anymore.
Then, before you leave God's presence, verbally try to
understand and reason (to whatever extent that you can) why this
person might have failed you; albeit their ignorance,
impatience, fear, or what ... recognizing that the wound was
usually not intentional to hurt you. Then, ask God to help you
forgive them and tell God you forgive them. Again, say the words
out loud.
In minor offences, this exercise may only need done once per
incident. But, should the memory be triggered again, go back to
God (using this tool) that the wound will be healed deeper and
deeper ~ until it is totally gone.
Then, on another day, pick something else on your list. And,
when your list is finally through, ask God to bring to
remembrance anything else that should be added to the list.
And, once you realize 'whatever happened to you also happened
to those who wounded you' (only their experiences were likely
even worse), you will find less reason to be angry at victims
who never overcame the wounds of their past and never found a
better way to live. Then, you can choose to be the difference
(to welcome your responsibility in stopping the chain of
emotional or physical abuse) for the next generation, by getting
the inner healing you need.
With each step, in the process of inner healing, you will be
replacing darkness with light; placing God's awesome love where
it should have been all along. He is a most awesome Father!
Isn't it about time you got to know your Daddy?