Life on the Front Burner
How many times in your life have you had to put something 'on
the back burner', letting an idea or a project simmer in the
background while you focused on something else? How often were
the things that went on the back burner your personal hopes,
dreams or needs while you concentrated on the hopes, dreams or
needs of someone else? There is nothing wrong with that decision
and in some cases it can be admirable. However, it's not
commendable if your personal needs never come to the fore-front.
During the safety instructions on an airplane, we are instructed
to put the mask over our own mouth first, and then on our
child's. Why? The reason is simple -- if we are knocked
unconscious there will be no one to look after the child,
putting them at greater risk than the risk they face in the few
moments it takes to put our own mask on. The wisdom of this is
readily apparent once we stop and think about it. It's also good
advice to take forward into all areas of our lives.
For many years, I put the needs of others first. As I evolved
personally, I came to understand that it was okay - healthier,
even - to put my needs equal to the needs of others. In fact, it
is how I now define the word 'selfish', and use the term
'self-centered' for someone determined to live as though the
world revolves around them.
Even with that advanced understanding, however, I still didn't
take care of myself as much as I needed. That included delaying
doctors' appointments or working past the exhaustion point
because someone else needed me (or I thought they did). Even
though I felt my needs were equal to the needs of others, the
reality is that 90% of the time I still opted to take care of
others before myself. This isn't bad, either, because for the
most part these were conscious choices I made. Unfortunately,
there has been a physical and emotional cost that becomes harder
and harder to bounce back from.
Today I have a new understanding, one that suggests that, in
fact, I need to opt for myself more than 10% of the time.
However, I'm still basically someone who likes to give and I
like that about myself, so it's really important for me not to
become that 'self-centered' person I described earlier. And that
brings me to the concept of choosing to put me on the front
burner, to live on the front burner.
This analogy is really appropriate for me. I think it works
because I still am a person who cares for others. So, while I
may have neglected myself on the back burner, I find that I do
not neglect others back there. The result is that I am truly
taking care of myself and caring for others at the same time,
for the first time in my life. Sometimes we just need the right
analogy or framing for an idea to really take hold. This 'front
burner' idea is perfect for me. In fact, I now keep the tea
kettle on the front burner on the stove. This way, every time I
walk into the kitchen I am reminded of this shift in my thinking
and it helps me remain focused and clear about this positive new
action and change in my life.
Where in your life have you been putting yourself on the back
burner and forgetting about you? Are you a harried parent,
juggling work and family? An over-conscientious leader or
manager? Oldest sibling? Youngest sibling? Caught between aging
parents and developing children? No matter how overwhelmed you
might be feeling, it is possible to find some moments of time
just for yourself. The key is remembering that there are very
few true either/or situations. You truly get to take care of
yourself and handle your responsibilities to others. Make a
conscious decision to live YOUR life on the front burner!