Optimism: How To Avoid Negative Thinking
Have you ever wondered why some people feel down and defeated
when faced with difficult situations, while others feel
challenged and hopeful? Or why some people get all worked up and
angry over small inconveniences and disagreements, while others
respond more positively? These different reactions are due to
how people interpret events - whether they view things from an
optimistic or a pessimistic viewpoint.
While we can learn from both optimists and pessimists, most of
us need help being optimistic. This article explores both ways
of thinking, and gives some suggestions on how to become more
optimistic.
The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to
believe bad events will last a long time, undermine everything
that they do, and are their fault. Optimists, confronted with
the same situations, believe that defeat is a temporary setback,
its causes are confined to that one situation, and it's not
their fault. While a pessimist may give up, an optimist will try
harder to change the situation.
Pros and Cons To Both Optimism and Pessimism
There are pros and cons to both optimism and pessimism. Extreme
optimism can be off-putting and invalidating because it seems
phony and can be a denial of reality and pain. Extreme pessimism
can be depressing because it seems to only focus on the negative
and catastrophizes events. A healthy dose of optimism can be
uplifting and hopeful, while a healthy dose of pessimism can be
realistic and wise. Achieving a balance of being realistic and
hopeful can be a challenge.
Differences Between Optimists and Pessimists
There are many reasons why people become pessimistic, including
child trauma, losses, or highly critical parents - yet many
optimists have also experienced great hardships and traumas;
Anne Frank is a good example.
The difference between optimists and pessimists isn't a
difference in life experiences, but rather in how people
perceive and respond to adversity. For example, an optimist who
is going through a hard time assumes that life will get better,
while a pessimist believes life will always be difficult and
painful.
These different approaches to life impact on health. People who
are optimistic generally have better health, age well, and live
more free of many physical problems associated with aging.
Fortunately, optimism can be learned.
Ways To Be Optimistic
The first step to optimism is to identify the thoughts and
beliefs running through your mind after something unpleasant
happens. How did you interpret the event? Write out all of your
beliefs and read them over. Then separate your feelings from
your beliefs, because you won't be challenging your feelings;
what you feel is what you feel.
Next, write down all your feelings about the event and how you
responded. Do this for a few unpleasant situations, such as an
argument with your partner, a work conflict, and getting a
parking ticket. You might begin to see a pattern in how you
interpret and react to events, and this will help you to become
aware of and to change patterns.
If you do have pessimistic thoughts, it can help just to be
aware that you think that way. Next time your thoughts jump to
something like "I never get my way," "Nothing ever gets any
better," or "People are always mean to me," try to notice that a
pessimistic way of thinking is present for you.
The next step is to distract yourself from your pessimistic
beliefs or dispute them. Disputing pessimistic beliefs will
bring deeper, longer lasting results than distracting will, but
distraction can also be effective, and sometimes easier.
Disputing pessimistic beliefs involves replacing them with
alternative, kinder, and more realistic explanations. For
example, if you have an argument with your partner, you might
immediately think: "S/he never understands me! I'm always the
one who ends up apologizing. This isn't working out; we should
split up." In the heat of an argument, it's hard to think
rationally. But if you step back and think about the situation
more realistically, you might find that your thoughts become
more positive, and you may even be able to work things out
faster. For instance, you might tell yourself, "We just had an
argument, and while s/he wasn't very understanding, neither was
I. S/he's understood me lots of other times, and will probably
understand me again once we've both cooled off. We've always
been able to work through our problems before. I know we can
again."
Maintaining a hopeful, positive, yet real perspective in the
face of adversity can be a real challenge - one many are facing
right now in the world - but it is essential to living
peacefully and happily. Just as it is important to recognize
what is unjust and unfair in our lives and the world, it is
equally important to see the beauty, love, generosity, and
goodness as well. Being gentle and loving with ourselves when we
make mistakes, or when bad things happen is key to being hopeful
and optimistic. And even if you're not sure it's possible, you
can do it!