Cultivate A Friendship With Death
Why We Fear Death
"Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark." - Bacon
There may be a thousand reasons why we fear death, but most of
all we fear death because we fear the unknown, and death is an
unknown entity to most people. We fear that dying may be painful
and we do not know what will happen to us at the point of death.
Some people fear death because they imagine the dying process to
be very painful. Death is not painful. In fact, death is often
very peaceful and silent even for those suffering from cancers
or other terminal illness.
When the physical body is deteriorating day by day from a
terminal illness, and pain arises from superficial wound such as
bed sores, or deep pain such as bone or nerve pain, death may
even be a welcome relief for the sufferer.
We need to distinguish the pain of the physical body from the
process of dying. The dying process is a distinct process that
is separate from the deterioration of the physical body. At the
point of death, there is no pain.
What happens at death is the cessation of the breath and all
other physiological functions of the physical body. The heart
stops pumping and the blood circulation stops moving. The body
stops generating heat, and thus progressively turns cold.
For those who believe that we are more than just a physical
body, and that we are in fact spiritual beings, the dying
process means much more than just physical death.
Death is just a natural process that allows us to discard the
physical body as we move into the spiritual realm.
Since our fear of death is due to the fact that we do not know
or understand death, it makes sense to familiarise ourselves
with it. The more we understand death, the less we fear it. We
should therefore cultivate a friendship with death, and be
totally familiar with it, just as we are familiar with our
friends.
We can cultivate a friendship with death in three simple steps:
1. Establish a link with God. 2. Cultivate a habit of
acceptance, instead of blame. 3. Be a blessing to others.
Establish a link with God.
By establishing a link with God, we touch base with our own
spirituality. God can be whatever you perceive God to be. For
Christians, Muslims and Hindus, that may mean an omnipotent God.
For Buddhists, it may mean the Buddha seed within. Atheists may
have to come to term with their own spirituality.
Establishing a link with God means re-gaining your spirituality.
It leads you closer to the spiritual aspect of yourself. Whether
we accept it or not, we are more than just this physical body.
When we die, we leave this physical body behind and only our
spirituality continues on.
It is therefore essential for us to be familiar with our own
spirituality. It is the only part of us that continues after
death. This 'fact' is in accordance with all major religions.
Cultivate a Habit of Acceptance.
It is funny how when good things come to us, we readily accept
them as though we deserve them or we have worked hard for them,
yet when calamities befall us we quickly look for an external
source to blame.
This is especially so when misfortunes such as terminal illness
befall us. We may blame God, and later blame ourselves or people
around us.
We should cultivate a habit of neutrality regardless of whether
good or bad things come our way. Otherwise, we can become very
bitter about life when negative things happened. Looking for
someone or something to blame only serve to prolong our own
suffering. Death is an enemy when we resist it, but the moment
we accept it, it turns into an ally.
However, cultivating a habit of acceptance does not mean not
doing anything to correct or improve our conditions. It does not
mean, for example, that when we are diagnosed with a terminal
illness we do nothing about it. It is only sensible to seek
treatment, if it is available to us. On the other hand, it also
means we must know and accept when curative treatment is no
longer possible.
We fear death only when we refuse to face it. Unfortunately,
there are unscrupulous people who would take advantage of our
fear of death to sell their 'cure'. In my experience with the
terminally ill, I have come across countless stories of dying
people being duped into parting with their savings and
properties in the hope of achieving a cure.
Be a Blessing to Others.
This is our greatest and most reliable ally at the time of
death. Knowing that we have been helpful to others and that we
have tried to live a blameless life takes away the fear of
death. If our life has been an honest one, free of any conscious
intention to hurt any living beings, we have nothing to fear
when death approaches. Our mind will be at peace, undisturbed.
On the other hand, those who lead selfish lives, and harm others
to get little advantages for themselves, find themselves
imprisoned in tiny, dark cells when they move to the other side.
Therefore, while we still can, we should give our best to the
world and to people around us. Lend a helping hand to others and
help to lighten their loads. Bring joy to the joyless and
comfort to those in need of comfort. There are many who are less
fortunate than us. Count our blessings and be a blessing to
others.