Can You See The *Good* In Good-byes?
Can you see the *good* in good-byes? Many people can't. They
don't realize that nothing is bad or good, but thinking makes it
so. Do you?
Here's an example:
A person is leaving. You are about ready to say your good-byes.
What you *see* in the leaving determines your *tomorrows.* If
you can't see the good, what are you seeing? The bad? Right. And
what are you showing the person leaving? Certainly not the good,
if you're thinking the bad. Now . . . both of you are upset. Do
yourself, and those around you, a favor. Learn to take charge of
your thoughts.
Here's one way to do that:
A son or daughter is leaving for college. Look at this scenario:
The family is solemn, helping their son/brother pack the car for
college. Now, the car is packed, they've said their good-byes,
and are watching as his tail lights disappear down the street. A
sad look is on their faces, because, for a few minutes, they are
sad. Suddenly, they realize he is actually gone. They all rush
into the house, each with a different purpose in mind! They had
told themselves that they wouldn't begrudge him going to
college. He's gone, now they would look toward the future. You
can see their thoughts. *The mom gets a new sewing room!* *The
dad gets to use the computer more!* *The teenage daughter gets
to have the upstairs bathroom all to herself!*
Now, that is progressive -- and healing -- thinking.
What is NOT progressive and healing thinking is continually
thinking about how much they will miss him. They will, of
course, but they will have compensation. Their son is going on
to a better life. His future is great. It's not like he's gone
forever, and there is nothing they can do, or would want to do,
to stop his progress. They will be helping him by helping
themselves.
Here's the other side of the coin. They didn't see the *good* in
good-bye. They moped and missed him, built their life around
what they were missing, and years go by before they realize that
they had put their life on hold for a person who was really
never coming back to the same life they had known and loved.
Look at both scenarios. There really is some *good* in good-bye.
All we have to do is take control of the situation and look
forward to handling it beautifully. If we don't, we are letting
the situation take control of us.
Why not prepare for these situations? Why not, say, plan on
moping and missing the leaving loved one for a designated period
of time -- like one hour, OK, maybe a day -- THEN get on with
your lives so you will have plenty to share with them when they
come back.
Why not, every time you start to miss him or her, retarget your
thoughts to all the good things that person is accomplishing
with his or her life.
Realize now that you'd probably better start accomplishing
things, too, or you won't have anything new to share with your
loved one that is away growing and learning. Meet the challenge
head on, show your son or daughter, by example, how to act when
one has to *let go* of someone they love. They are always
learning from us.
~~~~~~~~~ Copyright 2003, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved
Worldwide ~~~~~~~~~
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