Give Yourself Positive, Nurturing Messages
I don't know about you, but I find that negative or hurtful
messages zing their way into me faster and easier than positive
ones. If, in an hour, seven people gave me real, glowing
compliments, and one person criticized me, it is the criticism
that I would notice, absorb, and obsess on for weeks. It is the
criticism that I would turn over and over, looking at from all
angles, like a misshapen stone.
It's not hard to find criticism. It's all around us--in the way
the media says our bodies should be perfect. In people judging
how we live, because they feel insecure about themselves. And of
course, perhaps most powerfully, are all the negative messages
we were taught and given as children, critical messages that we
still play through our minds.
So how do we turn the tide on this wave of negative messages? An
important factor is purposely looking for and including positive
messages in your life, on a regular basis. You deserve to see
your own beauty--and to be as happy as you can be.
Give yourself the gift of loving, positive messages:
* Recognize and acknowledge some good things about yourself.
Write out a list of things that you like about yourself, or that
other people have told you they like about you. Write as many as
you can. Then go through each one. Think about it. Acknowledge
it. Accept it and take it in. Putting your energy into this, and
really opening yourself up to this, can help you heal some old
hurts, and work towards opening yourself up to more positive
messages.
* Praise yourself as you would a child. Kids need praise and
positive feedback to feel good about themselves, and we give
that freely to kids. Well, adults need it, too. So whenever you
do something that you would appreciate or like in a
child...being kind to someone else, being tender, standing up
for yourself or someone else, doing something that feels good,
accomplishing something big or small...then give yourself some
praise. Don't be stingy with praise. Lavish it on you the way
you would a child. Acknowledge the wonderfulness in you, and
make a habit of it. It really will help you feel better.
* Allow real compliments and praise to sink in there. Allowing
compliments and praise to really touch you, including the ones
you give yourself, is something you may have to consciously do,
but it's important to do. If you have trouble keeping hold of
the good things people say, write them down, then look at them
often.
* Read affirmations that appeal to you. Read some affirmations
from a book, online, or from affirmation cards, or write your
own. Just read the ones that feel like they fit you, that have
messages you need to hear. Do this often, so you open up to the
messages.
* Associate an object with a positive message about you. Pick
an object, preferably a small one, one that you like or that
makes you feel good--maybe a stone, a book, a note, a little toy
that you can carry around with you. Now think of a positive
message about yourself--just one--and repeat it over and over
while you look at the object. Tell yourself that whenever you
look at that object, you'll be reminded of that positive message
about yourself.
* Put positive messages all around you. Write out positive,
loving messages and put them in places you'll find them--inside
books, on your computer screen, in your wallet, in your pockets.
Put them on your refrigerator or mirror.
* Choose the words you use for yourself purposefully. Words
have a powerful impact on how we feel and think about ourselves
and others. Words can hurt, flatten, and wound. Words can also
encourage, empower, heal. Choose words, when you think about
yourself, that are positive, kind, and loving.
* Listen to alternative, healing music. If you only look for
one song, check out Libby Roderick's "How Could Anyone," on her
cd If You See a Dream. The lyrics are a powerful, healing
affirmation: "How could anyone ever tell you, you were anything
less than beautiful, how could anyone ever tell you, you were
less than whole?"
* Listen to children's music. I'm not kidding. There are some
wonderful, empowering, encouraging children's songs. Check out
"Proud of Me" and "Me" sung by Sesame Street's Grover on "The
Best of Grover"; "Happy Place," "It's okay," "Sing a happy
song," "We'll Fill the World With Love," amd "What a wonderful
world" by Rosenshontz, "Believe in Yourself," "But I Like You,"
by Sesame Street;
* Read a book or comic strip that makes you feel good. Feeling
good helps get you into that receptive space where you can take
in good messages. A book that always makes me feel good, and
gives me positive, healing messages is 39 Ways to Open Your
Heart by Arlene Gay Levine and Karen Kroll. The messages are
like healing affirmations, and the artwork is stunning.
Another of my favourite things to read when I want a huge
splash of good feeling is any of the Rose Is Rose collected
comic strips. They affirm the playful child in me, and usually
reading them in large doses (such as a book) leave me feeling
happy. You can check out thirty days of the comic strip here, or
check out these Rose Is Rose email greetings that give you the
feel of what the comic is all about.
* Write yourself a loving letter. Write yourself a letter that
mentions all the things you love about yourself. Go into as much
detail as you want. If you have trouble writing it, think of a
friend who loves you, and try to write it from their
perspective. Then mail yourself the letter.
Repeatedly telling positive messages to yourself, and taking
them in, can work to build up your love for yourself, and help
you to be more open to the good things within you, and arouond
you. It can also build up your resistance to critical, hurtful
messages, and help you to feel happier. So what are you waiting
for? Give yourself a positive message right now. And believe it.
Resources:
* Levine, Arlene Gay and Karen Kroll. 39 Ways to Open Your
Heart, Conari Press: California, 1996. A beautiful book with
loving, healing messages that read like meditations, and
stunning, beautiful artwork. It seems to be temporarily out of
print, but you can usually find copies at AbeBooks.com * Rose Is
Rose, 30 days online Rose Is Rose email greetings * watch some
of my affirmation cards online * Libby Roderick's "How Could
Anyone" song