The Ethics of a Life-long Herpes Infection
The Ethics of a Life-long Herpes Infection
>From day one my own personal life-long herpes infection has
presented me with several ethical challenges. It has challenged
me on the question of who to tell and when. It has challenged me
on the issue of what to say and how to others with herpes. It
has challenged me on the question of "Do I have any
responsibilities towards trying to prevent the people in the
community who do not herpes from getting it, and if so what are
they"? On how to tell and when:
When I was diagnosed with herpes the doctors told me that it was
safe to have sex with others as long as I avoided having sex
during outbreaks and that I would get warning signs of when an
outbreak would be coming. Luckily, we are working with much
better information these days. A person with herpes is
potentially contagious every-single day of the year and safer
sex including using a combination of a condom or dental dam and
an anti-viral gel is the best way of ensuring that one isn't
inadvertently spreading the virus.
I was an irresponsible coward when I first got herpes. Because
the doctors told me that I wasn't contagious without outbreaks
and because I was in the habit of using condoms, I decided that
I only had to tell someone that I had herpes if and when it
seemed like the relationship was turning serious and there would
be regular sexual contact. I had justified my cowardice by
thinking that the risk to others was too small to stick my neck
out and get the rejection due to a herpes leper. Please don't be
like me. Not telling someone before you have sex that you have
herpes is absolutely the wrong thing to do. There's no real way
to justify it. I now tell potential lovers I have herpes even
before the first date. It gets the weight of this guilt most
herpes people have off my chest and to me it feels like the
right thing to do.
Many people tell me that it's okay if you're not going to have
sex with someone to wait and see if the relationship becomes
serious before telling them about herpes. Sure this is much
better than waiting until after sex, but to me it still isn't
good enough. If you care about someone, if you respect them ,
why not tell them as early as possible so they can decide if
they want to invest the energy and time in getting to know you
better? Isn't it a bit manipulative to allow someone to develop
feelings for you without warning them that they risk a life-long
viral infection if they get involved with you? Think about it.
If you wait until they are already emotionally attached to you,
they may feel compelled to continue with the relationship when
they may not have if you had told them up-front. It takes more
courage and integrity to tell early but it feels better to have
the weight off your chest and the person you tell will usually
respect you for giving them the choice.
I am especially appealing to men since I believe that men are
not as protective of their sex partners when it comes to telling
about herpes as women are. Guys, please don't have sex with
anyone without telling them about your herpes. And if they don't
know the facts don't understate the risks- herpes is a more
physically and emotionally devastating disease for women than it
is for men and it is much easier for a man to give a woman
herpes than it is for a woman to give it to a man.
On how and what to say to others with herpes:
I am a holistic healer- a herbalist and homeopath. My family
have been healers for many generations in my native country of
Trinidad and Tobago and as far back as Africa. I had little to
no interest in treating herpes as a healer until I got herpes
myself. Wanting to change a negative to a positive, I decided to
make the holistic treatment of herpes the cornerstone of my
practice. The bible says "the stone that the builder refused, I
will make my cornerstone. Bob Marley and the wailers sing about
it too.
It didn't take me long once I decided to become a holistic viral
specialist to realize that I was confronted with a daunting
challenge. Most professionals including all the herbalists and
homeopaths I know rely heavily on referrals to build their
client-base. Here I was now working with a client-base that I
was never going to get a lot of referrals from. My patients with
herpes don't go around telling the world that I helped them with
their outbreaks. Some of my patients have yet to tell their
significant others that they have herpes, many have not told
their closest friends and their family. I am not a company. I
don't have an advertising budget. The only way for me to reach
out to others with herpes and encourage them to come for me for
treatment was to speak out in public about my herpes work and
about herpes in general. This forced me to be far more out of
the closet than would have been my personal choice.
I seem to always create challenging situations for myself.
Speaking to others with herpes is not a task for the faint of
heart. Some people like to shoot the messenger- I have the
bullet-wounds to prove it. But I can say that speaking to others
with herpes has been and continues to be one of the most
gratifying experiences in my life. I feel a deep bond with many
of the people with herpes who interact with me. I felt this kind
of bond when I played team sports. I've felt this kind of bond
all my life with other black people. There's something about "us
against the world" that can make people tight with other. I love
my herpes friends. I love my herpes patients- even the ones who
misbehave. I am not grateful for getting herpes, but I don't
regret it either. Nevertheless, the truth hurts, and I have some
bitter truth to tell others with herpes:
Having a lover who also has herpes isn't a free ticket for
unprotected sex. Even if you both have the same strain Even if
one gave it to the other. Having unprotected sex with each other
can and often will make one or both partner's cases of herpes
worse. It's called re-inoculation and it's a message many with
herpes don't want to hear.
If you have herpes or cold sores you are potentially contagious
everyday and there is no sure way to tell if you are shedding
virus. So do consider using a condom/dental dam combined with an
anti-viral gel when having sex and do be careful about sharing
wet towels or wash cloths with others.
No two people get herpes the same way so you are going to have
your own individual experience with the virus and will have to
find your own way of dealing with it on all the different levels
you will have to deal with it.
A cure for herpes in our lifetime is unlikely and there are no
quick-fix solutions for managing herpes. Herpes cannot be
managed with a topical agent alone- whether it be creams,
lotions, or essential oils. Managing herpes takes changing your
diet, managing stress and other triggers, and may also require
either taking herbal medicine or drug therapy.
You may not get fewer outbreaks as you get older. While this is
often the case, since no two people get herpes the same way,
other diseases, menopause, self-abuse, re-inoculation by
unprotected sex and other factors can change the pattern of
frequency and severity of outbreaks at any point during your
life-long journey with herpes.
Cold-sores are just as contagious if not more contagious than
genital herpes and you can infect others when there are no signs
of sores present.
Having herpes does make you more vulnerable to other sexually
transmitted infections including HIV, cervical dysplasia and
genital warts.
Daily use of l-lysine is an ineffective strategy for treating
herpes and can do more harm than good. There are more effective
natural remedies such as garlic for treating herpes without
side-effects.
On talking to those who don't have herpes:
The reality check for me is that the mainstream and alternative
media do not want talk about herpes. They would prefer to keep
us in a ghetto. There is a lot of misinformation floating around
and people without herpes have few places to turn to hear the
facts about herpes. They don't hear the facts in their churches,
young people are not being educated enough about herpes in
school. Most parents aren't teaching their children about
herpes, older siblings are not passing information down to the
younger ones.
It's really up to us who have herpes to try harder to dialogue
with those who don't. HIV won't be the last word in human
population control from the world of viruses. If we don't learn
how to better protect the population from getting herpes and
other sexually transmitted infections we are going to be in a
lot of trouble. Herpes is a gateway disease it provided easy
access through your mucus membranes for any sexually transmitted
virus.
It is my unshakeable conviction that those of us in the herpes
community need to be more vocal in the media and to also reach
out to those around us. Each one teach one. Each one reach one.
Christopher Scipio Homeopath/Herbalist Holistic Herpes Treatment
Specialist http://www.natropractica.com