My Gay Children - A Parents Perspective
Finding out you have gay children is for most of us unsuspecting
parents a life changing experience. How much it changes our life
depends on many factors. I know personally how it does change
your life as I do have gay children.
I am a mother that has been married for 26 years to the same man
and have 2 wonderful sons from that marriage. I still remember
from a very early age that I would marry a man and have a family
of my own. My children would grow up in a happy home and they
would one day find the love of their dreams and settle down, get
married and have children and then the whole cycle would
continue on the same from there.
How your life, your views, your ideals and your dreams of the
future can change in an instant. I have learnt that nothing is
set in concrete when it comes to life. When I gave birth to my
children I had somehow forgot that I was giving birth to two
individual little human beings not clones of my husband or
myself.
This can be a hard concept to handle for some of us especially
when your child or children in my case come out of the closet so
to speak and tell you that one is gay & the other bisexual.
Wow! In fact this can be disastrous. This closet that they have
just climbed out of, well,we've just climbed in!
All of a sudden, your life is nothing like it was or what you
expected it to continue to be. For some of us it is a real shock
or maybe it is a relief. See, we are all different from each
other even though we are the same.
We will all react differently, some very badly and some ok, and
some only just ok. For most of us this is mind blowing news.
What will we tell our friends and family? Will they shun us,
hate us, laugh at us or will they support us?
We don't really want to find out because we are scared of what
they may say or do.That's why we go into that closet.
We may be angry because our child has brought us into something
we don't understand and don't know how to handle. Confrontation
can be a very difficult thing to handle especially when it is
about something that is not accepted with in the majority.
Our religious beliefs may start to confuse us as we may need to
choose between our religion and our child. Many may feel
repulsed and disgusted because all they can think about is the
actual sexual acts that they think their child will be
participating in.
There are so many reasons that parents are confused and upset or
saddened because their child has said they are gay.
I know I was shocked and also relieved when I first found out
about my eldest son. But I new I couldn't change him so I just
wanted to find out more about homosexuality and help him survive
in this homophobic and cruel world.
It's funny, that I was under the conception that everyone would
not accept our son or us and yet I couldn't have been more
wrong. Sure, society in general are not so accepting but the
people that mattered to us are. It takes guts to come out of
that closet that our child was in. Once we saw how very brave
and courageous our son was it made it easier for us to also come
out.
In may ways the full circle had come around because once we were
there to teach and guide our sons and then the tables turned for
them to guide and teach us. For that we are very proud.
It can be difficult for us at times and none so more than when
our second son told us he was bisexual. This was a shock once
again but not a relief as with our other son. I felt a little
isolated as I had two gay children not just one. My family is
not unique in this. There are many families with more than one
child being gay.
The important thing for us was to band together and support each
other. Talk and learn together. Sure it took awhile for us to
fully come to terms with this but it has strengthened our
relationship and made us more understanding and tolerant towards
others.
Life is a funny thing sometimes. Often it takes something of
this nature to put life into perspective and remind you of what
is really important and of what isn't so important. Our children
are and always have been the most important thing in our lives.
The fact that they are safe, healthy and happy means everything
to my husband and myself. We have been inside that closet and we
have come out of that closet.
Because of the family that we are we are truly blessed.