New Year's Resolutions: Don't Get a New Body, Get a New
Body-image
Here it is: New Year's celebrations, or your birthday,
anniversary, or sister's wedding. You think; this time I'll do
it. I'll diet and exercise and this time I'll get myself the new
sexy body I always wanted. Most of us will promised ourselves
the ultimate body in just few weeks only to repeat the promise
before the next event. Yes, yes it is very important to keep up
with health, nutrition and regular exercise. However the
expectations to look and feel sexy can ruin your day. Obviously,
very few of us can actually achieve and maintain the desired new
body by the next calendar event. Are we doomed to feel we have
failed? Well, when our happiness is tied in feeling good about
our appearance; it is healthier to change our body image than to
physically get a new body...
Since I have witnessed my clients doing this dance every year
and every season I am sharing here my experiences and
observations.
* What is body image? Body image is a perception we hold in our
mind of our physical body and this perception also includes our
feelings, expectations, comparisons, thoughts, likes and
dislikes.
* The divide between mind and body - what we see as opposed to
what's really there. Our generation is showing the largest
disconnect, discontent, disappointments and on... in the gap
between what we have/own and what we desire.
Let me put is in terms of what we read in
beauty/fashion/cosmetic magazines: We've been bombarded with
looks, styles, procedures and advice of how to LOOK sexy.
Millions of us have tried it all and have achieved the promised
LOOK! Anyone can walk into a fine American department
store/beauty salon and come out looking sexy. Alas, so many of
us do not FEEL sexy, even when we had achieved the look. The
sexy look has very little to do with the feeling we expect it to
produce: just because the perfect looking and 'hot' people on TV
look happy and smile, but it does not reflect on their reality,
intimacy skills and happiness... We live in a strange
misconception that the perfect body will bring perfect life:
perfect friends, spouse, happiness and even perfect children.
* How does one develop a negative and/or distorted body image?
Negative attitudes show up in behaviors and feelings when we
cannot accept reality: aging, natural attributes (size and
shape), disability and diversity. Some of us are obsessed with
fashion, comparisons and competitions. There are several factors
that help to initiate negative body image:
First, and most popular is the factor of the massive media
(electronic, print etc.) emphasis on perfect bodies.
Second, the combination of low self esteem, peer pressure,
jealousy and youth (or not a strong character) could result in
poor body image.
Third, we may observe a generation of mothers who have poor body
image and raising girls and boys who reflect mothers' attitude.
Forth, because we are now able to change our physical body
through cosmetic procedures, many feel that they are not 'good
enough' until all options are exercised, even extreme makeovers.
We change our body simply because we can!
Fifth, and most important to me, it is the core of body image
issues: most people in our culture do not know their body, its
boundaries and its potential for pleasure. Therefore, many who
suffer from poor body image have no appreciation and respect to
own body's marvel. The human body and our normal healthy life
cycle is a miraculous journey. The smart ones among us
understand how the body works and appreciate it own wisdom. *
Healthy attitudes towards one's body.
Healthy attitudes have to do with respect and a healthy sense of
reality. By sense of reality I mean: know your body, love your
body and do not expect it to follow your social needs. For
example: if you are tall or short (in your perception), these
facts of life will not change even if you will/wish them. So you
have 'learned to live' with your height. Even if you don't like
how tall you are the lessons learned here are valuable: we live
with it with small improvements. Do not drive yourself crazy and
that is healthy. Other body attributes are not treated with same
respect; we are brutally negotiating the shapes, sizes and
weights of all our body parts... When the rest of the country is
making their resolutions for a new sexy body; be smart, make
your resolutions for new sensual body image, and get the joy,
pleasure and fun your real body can reward you.