How to Choose Lingerie
In my business, I talk to a lot of gals and guys about lingerie.
Ladies, if you heard what the guys say, you'd feel a lot better
about your bodies. And, men, if you heard what the gals say,
that last piece of lingerie you bought her.....well...she used
it to decorate her shoelaces. Men want skimpy. Women want
enhancement.
So how do you pick something sexy that both of you will like?
The answer is simple. Be aware of the other's preferences. Men
and women are different in what turns them on romantically.
Usually, when a man strolls into my store, he walks in, buys
something, walks out. When he needs help he's specific in his
needs. "Miss, do you have a piece of string, size medium, in
Jeep Cherokee white, for my wife? It's our anniversary."
Men want to see skin. Lots of it. and, the more skin they want
to see, the more likely it is that it's going to be skin that's
bumpy or birthmarky. Women don't want guys to see those parts.
Most women have at least one of these parts. Sometimes, it's
even part of a set. Like many women, the part that I'm trying to
hide is my stomach. To ensure that my belly's seen by as few
people as possible I've tattooed these instructions on it: to be
viewed only by medical personnel who are removing something
underneath..
When a woman buys lingerie, she is trying to accomplish at least
one of three objectives: show something, hide something or
pretend you've got something. The skinny girls usually don't
want to hide anything; they want to show stuff, and pretend
they've got stuff. The bigger girls want to show and hide stuff.
And, if the stuff is supposed to be big and it's little, that's
when you buy the stuff to pretend you've got it. And, if the
stuff is big and that stuff looks good big, that's when you show
it. And, if it's big and it should be small, cover it up. Guys,
we work so hard to please you, that we not only cover up the big
parts that don't look good big, we actually try to squish them
in. That's why women go to the bathroom in pairs. To make sure
no one explodes.
Women who have a C cup or larger need support when they're
wearing lingerie. Applauding is not what I mean by support. Guys
think architectural engineering. You know the way those cables
hold the Golden Gate Bridge up? Bra straps work the same way,
except you don't have all those cars going through.. And,
underwires are like support beams. Without basic support, a
structure will fall. Think about that Leaning Tower of Pisa. It
looks like it will topple over any moment. That's the fate
awaiting large chested women without the proper bra support.
Years from now, they'll be leaning over from the weight of it
all.
So, the bottom line is that women want to look beautiful for
their sweeties. And, men think that a woman's bare skin is what
looks sexiest on her. Keep that in mind, folks, next time you go
shopping for lingerie.
Hey, wait a minute......my honey just bought me a gift.
It's....what appears to be..... lingerie. Hmmmmmm. What the?!
...... It's a piece of string... with a neon feather. I guess
it'll work as an anklet. For my sister's next birthday.