Is Role Playing with Costumes Healthy?
If your lover dons a costume, and seduces you, it's like making
love to a stranger. Is that adultery? Are these kinds of
fantasies healthy? I have actually heard women say "I will not
wear a costume, I don't want him thinking of someone else when
he makes love to me".
Ok, granted, if you are role playing, and you are pretending to
be someone else, and the costume transforms your appearance
enough, then maybe, I can see some reason for concern. After
all, isn't your mate supposed to love you, and only you? If so,
why does he or she need to pretend I am someone, other than, who
I am? Hmm, in a perfect world... sure.
I have always said love and sex are like chocolate, and
peanut-butter, both are good by themselves, but, when mixed
together, they are at their best. You can have love without sex,
and you can have sex without love. But, sex with someone you
love is best.
The human animal is not always monogamous. Other animals
throughout the animal kingdom are also known to be
non-monogamous. In the book "The Myth of Monogamy" written by
David Barash, a University of Washington zoologist and professor
of psychology, and Judith Lipton, a Seattle psychiatrist,
suggest that it is natural for us to "cheat" and that monogamy
is something we have to work at. Barash said numerous recent
studies have shown that many animals and birds, such as eagles,
geese, beavers and gibbons, previously believed to be faithfully
monogamous, aren't.
In fact, there are creatures that choose a single mate for
life, even though they continue to mate or "fool around" with
others. We assume that infidelity is most often committed by
males. Male animals, like apes and lions, have harems. Mankind
too, has had harems in it's past. Men having multiple lovers has
been an acceptable practise among many cultures. However,
studies of the wild kingdom have shown that most often it is the
female that takes multiple mates. They just tend to be a little
craftier at it. This is a survival method used by the female to
insure that at least some of her offspring are from a quality
male, while providing security for herself and her brood. We, as
humans, do not need this tactic to insure our survival.
Barash and Lipton say that males tend to be opportunistic and
have sex out of marriage because it is available and
pleasurable. For women it is a way of obtaining something better
than their mate, someone who may be richer, more handsome or
more powerful.
It is not their purpose, nor mine, to condone infidelity. I
think as humans we can overcome pure carnal animal behaviors.
That said, I also don't condemn those that practise open or
swinger lifestyles, it is being shown to be natural. I believe
you and your mate have to make the decision of monogamy or not.
Yet, we still have natural tendencies to commit adultery. We
have to work at a monogamous happy relationship. Just as we have
to work at playing the guitar. Learning to play the guitar would
take commitment, and practice. Some of us will learn, some will
give it up. Monogamy is not natural, and requires effort to
achieve. I believe that role playing with, or without costumes,
help us do just that. Costumes, or lingerie, are just a way to
enhance the experience. Let's face it, the human mind, if not
the body, is still going to roam. We will fantasize about the
girl or guy we met in an elevator, or work with. We will close
our eyes and envision a past lover that was particularly good.
We will make love to our mates and make believe they are our
favorite movie star or rock star. Fantasy is normal. Our minds a
capable of creating whole worlds for us to explore. We can't
stop that.
Why not provide a release for our fantasies and natural
tendency to "cheat"? Why not heighten the passion and sexual
gratification, by fulfilling a portion of our lovers fantasies?
If we make ourselves the center of those needs, desires, and
fantasies, we are not providing a method to maintain monogamy?
If my lover were to dress up like a prostitute, and be
seductive, play the role, so that I paid her for sex, and made
passionate love to her. I could have a fantasy fulfilled. She
too may have had a fantasy fulfilled at the same time. We no
longer have a need to pursue that fantasy outside of our
relationship.
Pretending to be someone else is fun. Pretending you are
someone else, with someone you love, is exciting. Excitement is
passion. Passionate sex, is great sex. Great sex, facilitates
monogamy. If staying monogamous is your goal, then role playing
with costumes can help facilitate that.
Some of you may think if you dress up in a costume and pretend
to be someone else, then you are perpetuating the desire to
cheat. I say, the desire to cheat is already there, even if it
is subdued. Why not allow the desire to take place, and still be
involved. Tell me you have never fantasized about sex with
someone else. Tell me that you have a love life that can't use a
little kick. Hey, I could be wrong.
I put forth that role playing with costumes perpetuates a
healthy, active, and passionate sex life. If I am wrong, at
least I'm having a heck of a good time.