Is Swinging for me?
I read an article a while back written by a relationship
advisor, a Dear Abby sort, who said that swinging was an awful
thing without fail - because they had never heard from anyone
who had a good experience as a swinger.
With all due respect, people who are enjoying swinging, won't be
writing a relationship advisor for advice! Duh.
Swinging is not for everyone.
Swinging will not save your marriage. It is only a slightly
lesser mistake than having a baby to save the marriage. In other
words, just stupid. In fact, if you have a bad marriage,
swinging will most likely be the final straw that ends it, as
each partner finds another person who makes him or her happier.
Many men visualize swinging as their opportunity to have a whole
lot of different female sexual partners, with their wives
consent. The unbearable truth for these men, is that they will
discover it is far easier for their wife to find numerous male
partners eager to share her charms, while the husband may find
few if any females as eager to forgive him his beer gut, and
bald head, as his wife does.
A couple should not undertake swinging unless both partners are
willing, even eager. Both partners not just one. No one should
"just go along". The results can be heart breaking, demeaning,
or worse. If only one partner wants to swing, forget it.
If you are a single, I strongly advise you to avoid any couples
where it is clear one partner is just being dragged along. You
don't need the drama, and drama is guaranteed!
So now that I have warned you in so many different ways, let me
tell you that if you and your partner have a strong relationship
and think it will be fun to share each other in a sexual way
with other singles or couples, it probably will be fun. And I
don't necessarily mean only traditional married couples with
great marriages, but couples who are more casually involved with
each other who have fun together sexually, and also enjoy other
people and/or group sex.
If you are a single man, be sure before involving yourself with
a couple that you and the other man are both bisexual or both
straight but comfortable in bed with another man or watching
another man have sex with the woman involved.
As a single woman, before accepting the approach of a couple,
make sure the woman is equally interested in you as the man is
if she is bisexual, or comfortable watching you with her man if
she is not.
Couples who want to trade wives, or any of the other many
permutations of swinging, the main thing, always, is to be sure
everyone knows if anyone has an inhibition of any sort, and that
everyone understands what is allowed and what is not. If any of
the "rules" that make a participant comfortable seems asinine to
you - then don't get involved with them.
The main thing you should be able to accept if you want to swing
is that sex is not equivalent to love or emotional attachment.
Sex is more like a fun sport that many people may participate
in, in many ways. If you cannot look at sex in that way - do not
swing.
Chances are, you will have some partners you become very fond of
who become a part of your life, others you may only have sex
with, and others you may decide you don't enjoy and don't wish
to have sex with again.
So what if you just read this and you are thinking about it, how
to start? There are many ways to get started, or to find out
more. If you are still unsure, perhaps you could explore
swinging by looking at porn sites that show threesomes or group
sex and see if those pictures, videos, or stories turn you on.
Perhaps you will decide that is exciting, but as far as you want
to go, and that's just fine, too.
If you decide you want to meet some real swingers in your own
area I strongly suggest joining Adult
Friend Finders. This gives you ample opportunity to meet a
number of swingers in your area, visit online, and set your
first meeting in a neutral zone like a restaurant. Your local
swingers will be able to tell you if there are any swingers
clubs, or groups who meet in your area as well. You might even
discover swinging cybersex in their chat rooms is quite
sufficient for you and as far as you wish to go.
A less satisfactory method, to me, is to check out a local adult
bookstore. Often you will find swingers magazines for sale that
feature ads for clubs, groups, and couples and singles
personals.
Whatever your decisions - please remember sex, and swinging, is
supposed to be fun!