What Every Woman Should Know About Men and Romance
Men and women think differently about romance.
Men are goal-oriented. They measure their success by their
achievement. Unconsciously, they tend to divide their
relationship into two phases - courtship and 'Keepership'.
The aim of courtship is to woo the woman and win her affection.
During the courtship, he is the hunter while she is the hunted.
During the hunt, he can be wonderfully charming, thoughtful and
sensitive. He attends to her every whim and fancy. He is
sensitive to her feelings and needs. He pays great attention to
every detail. He will go to great length to please her. If
necessary, he will climb the highest mountain, swim the widest
river, and bungee jump, just for her. He may send flowers or a
loving note after a romantic date.
But once her heart is captured, the courtship is over. When the
hunt is over, so is romance. When he senses the woman cares for
him, he changes. His victory is assured. Having captured her
heart, she is like a trophy for keeps.
Women tend to be different. They want romance to continue; they
are disappointed when it ceases. Women often feel shortchanged
by men when romantic behavior fades. Women complain that men
take them for granted.
For most men, romance is a means to an end; to many women,
romance is an end in itself. Most men don't feel discomfort with
romance; they love it. Guess who read romantic novels - the
women of course!
Men, on the other hand, are anxious to get over with the pursuit
so that they can stop worrying, relax and enjoy the rewards of
victory. While women tend to equate pursuit with love, men often
equate not having to pursue with love. Having possessed her
love, he can stop pursuing her.
Before marriage, men often declare their undying love with the
magic words, "I love you." But after marriage, they hardly utter
those words. The excuse men gave is that they have not changed
their mind since they declared their undying love at the altar;
and if he ever changes his mind, he would tell her. They feel
they don't have to remind her that 'I love you' everyday.
What a dilemma for the women! Is there any hope for romance? Of
course there are. A committed relationship need not be without
romance and passion.
If a woman wants her man to be romantic, here are some things
she can do.
Do not hassle him to buy you presents, bring you flowers or
accompany you for shopping. Men do not like to be told what to
do. If you keep nagging him, you will probably succeed in making
him feel pressured and guilty, but you are not going to get him
to feel more romantic. Even if he dutifully gives in and brings
home a dozen roses from the florist, it will probably be mere
compliance. Romance has to come from the heart, not out of
obligation. The smart woman knows that compliance is an enemy of
romance. Let him feel it is his ideas, not yours.
Simply allow him to enjoy being loved. Interpret his diminished
need to be romantic as a compliment, as a hallmark of his trust
in you. He is assured of your love. You are safely in his fold.
Therefore he does not feel the need to woo you and to remind you
of his love for you.
Understand the psychology of men. Do the unexpected. Reward him
occasionally. Keep him in suspense. To be predictable is to be
boring. Be unpredictable. Men enjoy the chase. Put him in a
competition so that he will not take you for granted. Be vague.
The uncertainty stimulates him, motives him to re-embark on the
romantic chase; it drives him wild.
Remember, for men, romance is a goal-oriented behavior, a time
when they are uncertain of a woman's feeling towards them. The
key word is uncertainty. When men are uncertain, they become
more romantic.