Hunter and Gatherer
Deep down, we haven't evolved as much as we would like to
believe. Like the caveman, we still want to curl up next to
someone during the dark of night so that we aren't so alone in
the cold survival game. We want to feel safe, warm, and loved
inside and out. It's hardwired into our brains. We travel in
packs and we care for our young for a very long time. We need a
mate to travel with, someone to love, someone to cheer when we
win the battles against vicious animals, someone to guard the
cave when we need to lick our wounds from the battles we lost.
It's not about being needy or codependent, it's about a need for
connection, partnership, usefulness, and co-creation. It's the
way humans were designed.
The male is designed to hunt and protect. He is built bigger and
stronger because it's his job to protect those he loves and to
provide the meat. He has an unmistakable need to stalk and
outsmart his prey. He needs to physically move with speed and
agility in order to actively conquer the object of his focus.
His mind is designed for cunning and for calmness in battle. His
life and the lives of his loved ones depends on his ability to
be strong, smart, and stable. He approaches his relationships
the same way. It's only natural that he's going to use those
skills which are so finely tuned and perfected. He must pursue
that which he wants. The game of pursuit is his secret delight.
He loves the challenge of the chase. It makes him feel alive,
the life force flows through him as he scores that first smile,
the first kiss.
The female is designed to gather and nurture. She is built with
an eye for the smallest detail and the ability to verbalize.
It's her job to gather the nuts, fruits, vegetables, firewood,
and to herd the children. She has to be able to recognize the
poison foods from the nutritious. She must recognize and gather
the healing herbs in order to help her loved ones survive their
various ailments. The family's mortality rate is in her hands.
She has to watch over them with a critical eye for detail
watching for the first signs of fever and sickness. If she can
catch it early, her chances of saving them is higher. She uses
language to keep tabs on where the children and other women are
so that none are lost while foraging for the berries and such.
She uses language and her magnetism to keep her loved ones near
so that she can watch over them. She draws her man in the same
way. If she can't pull him into her nest, then how will she be
able to look after him?
So how does that all play out now in modern times? Well, he
doesn't have an outlet for his athletic and cunning. He hunts
and battles vicariously through the television remote control.
He is lost in a suit and tie world. He creates war and battle
without realizing it because he has to feel that he's protecting
his loved ones from an enemy. He still tends to 'conquer' his
woman. She doesn't know the healing arts anymore and uses her
words and keen eye to nitpick and tear down her loved ones. She
overspends at the mall in order to touch that part of herself
that needs to gather supplies for her family. She creates
illness and scarcity so that she has an excuse to heal and
gather things close to her again. She manipulates her man into
marriage. Neither one knows what it is they're doing on a
subconscious level to create the situations needed so that they
can live out their roles.
What can we do about it? We need to acknowledge who and what we
are. Quit lying to ourselves and pretending that we're civilized
and enlightened. We are just cavemen with technology, laws, and
manners. The core of our biological programming hasn't changed
all that much. We're still afraid of the dark and in awe of the
moon. The forces of Mother Nature and her seasons is still
beyond our full comprehension. We still need each other. Most
importantly we need to feel at one with ourselves. We need to
rectify the world we live in today with our biological skills,
drives, and motivations. We need to feel useful and that our
lives have meaning and purpose. Men need to find a constructive
way to hunt and protect. Women need to find a healthy way to
gather and nurture. Stop arguing over things like equality and
whether or not we can do each other's jobs. It's not important.
Everyone can do everything, but that doesn't mean that's where
our natural gifts and talents lie and it doesn't mean that what
we choose to do is in alignment with who we really are. Move
beyond stereotypes and into the core of what the human animal
really needs in order to thrive not just survive.
We can start by finding an outlet for our core instinctual
drives. He doesn't like being manipulated and nagged at anymore
then she likes being conquered and dominated. Sure there needs
to be a bit of these things in the initial courtship. He needs
the challenge of using his physique, his cunning mind, and his
abilities as a provider to win the girl. She needs to know that
she can magnetically attract him to her side and that he'll keep
her safe from the bad guys. The strong relationships are the
ones were the man keeps on impressing the woman with his cunning
and ability to provide for the family's needs. Likewise, the
strong relationships include a woman who knows how to magnetize
her man and how to nurture her family. Our relationships improve
when we learn to use our gifts for something more constructive
then just tearing each other apart.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge