The #1 Tip for Great Sex
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The #1 Tip for Great Sex By Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
No, it's not some new wild and kinky position or technique, it's
just some good old fashioned simple communication! Unfortunately
many couples find it very difficult to communicate with one
another about their sexual needs or preferences and this can
lead to a lot of dissatisfaction and dysfunction in the
relationship.
Lack of communication is a frequent culprit leading to
infidelity as well. Partners sometimes turn to other
relationships to meet needs that are not getting met in their
current relationship, instead of realizing that if only they
concentrate on communicating these needs to their current
partner that they too could learn to satisfy them. There would
be no need or desire for either partner to be unfaithful if each
partner would simply be honest with each other, communicating
their needs, desires and preferences. Your wife (partner) can be
the lover you need if you teach her how to satisfy you, telling
her what you like and need. Your husband (partner) can be the
lover you need him to be if you do the same. If your needs are
met in your relationship, there is no need or desire for
unfaithfulness.
Communication with your lover is probably "the" most important
factor for not only a satisfying sexual relationship but for a
relationship in general. If you do not communicate with your
lover you can't be satisfied. Many people falsely believe that
their lover can read their mind or that they should
instinctively know how to please them. This is a very
destructive belief for not only the sex, but also the
relationship as a whole. Each one of us is different with unique
sexual needs and desires. If you're in a new relationship it
takes time to learn what each other like. Your new lover
probably has different needs in regard to what they like and how
they need to be touched than your previous lover. If it is a
long-term relationship you need to continually explore and
discover one another's bodies, needs and desires. Needs may
change over time. It's necessary to let your lover know what you
need and it's equally important to be interested in what your
partner needs.
For a relationship to be successful each partner is responsible
to communicate their needs to the other and to meeting the needs
of the other. If you have a partner who is not willing to learn
and not interested in satisfying you, then you would want to
evaluate whether this is a relationship you should be in.
Getting your sexual needs met is just as important as any other
need in the relationship.
Speak openly, directly and honestly. Be specific and detailed.
Tell your partner where, when and how to touch you. Show them
how much pressure, how much speed and timing that you need. Let
them know what words you need to hear and when and how to say
them. Discuss what scenarios, techniques and positions work best
for you. Share your fantasies. Let them know when something
isn't working and let them know when it is working.
There should also be a healthy balance of give and take in each
partner and sexual requests should be within reason. No one
should have to engage in any activity that is degrading, violent
or disrespectful.
If this is a new behavior for you, it may and probably will feel
uncomfortable at first, but do it anyway! It will get easier
with time. Sharing yourself in this way will increase intimacy,
enhance your sexual satisfaction and decrease the risk of
unfaithfulness. Your relationship as a whole will be happier,
more fulfilling and satisfying in every way.