Pen Pal Romance
We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen pals
that wrote to each other for years without meeting because they
lived hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Some friend of
a friend set them up as pen pals or she decided to write to some
unknown soldier away at war. They exchanged a few pictures and
spent countless hours drafting letters back and forth, baring
their hearts and souls to each other. Without ever dating, they
fell in love. When one could eventually travel across the
distance to finally meet the other, they both knew immediately
that this was indeed the one they'd spend the rest of their life
with. The physical attraction was every bit as strong as the
emotional attraction they had felt for each other. It's a
classic story that's existed as long as there's been a postal
system for delivering the letters between would be lovers.
Today we have an Internet version of the same thing. People go
to these dating sites to find love. It seemed a bit weird at
first like most things that are new and different, but
eventually we became used to the idea. Is it really any
different than meeting in any other manner? You still have to
weed through the riffraff. You still have people presenting
themselves as something other than what they really are. You
still have crooks and cheats, predators. And you still have
honest real folks looking for true love. You still have single
parents worried that people won't accept their kids as part of a
package deal. You still have married folks looking for a way to
cheat on their partners. The only real difference is how fast
the system works. You can weed through a heck of a lot of less
than desirable matches really fast and you don't even have to
waste time or money on dinner and movies, or on babysitters and
a new dress.
It's my hope that you would take your time with the ones who do
seem promising. When you find a profile that seems interesting,
don't rush through the process. Sure, a lot of people say that
the eyes are the windows to the soul and that you need to meet
in person to get a real feel for each other. And there is a lot
of truth to that. Ultimately you do have to meet in person to
determine if there's any type of chemistry between you or not.
It's not something that can be logically determined. You feel it
or you don't and you won't know until you meet them face to
face. But what about those old pen pal stories? They fell in
love without it being about sexual attraction. When we meet face
to face with someone that we are physically attracted to, it's
human nature to want to speed up the process so that we can get
to the really good stuff! I'm thinking that if we took more time
in the passing notes back and forth portion before actually
meeting face to face, then we'd be more inclined to fall for the
person inside rather than for the physical beauty that can be so
blinding to the truth about people. We all know someone who's
been completely consumed by a hot passionate attraction for
someone who was so incredibly wrong for them. It takes forever
for them to open their eyes and see the sexy person for what
they really are. Please don't think that I'm saying that all
good looking people are bad relationships waiting to happen. I
just don't want you to confuse sexual attraction with real
intimacy.
If you're just looking to get laid, then by all means disregard
this article! It's not written for you. If you're looking to
find that once in a lifetime incredible love, then why not take
the extra time to do it right? Why not agree to write emails
back and forth for a while before meeting in person? Chances are
you've already seen their picture on the matchmaker's web site.
Make up fun questionnaires for each other to fill out. Ask them
all sorts of interesting questions about themselves like 'if you
could invite four people to dinner regardless of what time in
history they lived or died, who would it be and why?' Ask them
what their number one biggest regret is in life. Ask them what
their number one most embarrassing moment in life is. Ask them
what their number one best shining moment was. Ask them if they
felt loved as a child. Ask them if they have felt loved as an
adult. What is their next wild adventure in life going to be?
Have fun really getting to know each other before you meet in
person. Have a real bond based on more than the fact that you
both like moonlit walks on the beach and want to someday have
children. When you do finally meet, you won't suffer those
uncomfortable silences either, you'll have shared laughs and
have plenty to talk about. You'll already be real friends.
So many people put in their profiles that they only want to meet
people that are close to home, 50 miles, 100 miles, etc. Why not
reach out across the globe. Why not find new pen pals to write
to? Even if you never fall in love, you've gained a new friend
and the experience of feeling connected to others. Who knows
maybe your soulmate is just across the ocean. Perhaps they're
waiting for a note from you in their inbox. Perhaps you'll
become one of those wonderful love stories worth telling your
grandchildren about. "Yep, your grandmother and I wrote back and
forth for a year before I finally saved up enough money to fly
over and meet her. And let me tell you, the first time I laid
eyes on her I knew that she was the only one for me. She was
well worth the wait!"
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge