You Became a Social Coward by Accident
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"You Became a Social Coward by Accident"
-- by Mike Pilinski --
(c) 2002 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved
http://www.highstatusmale.com
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I'll bet the following statement is true for any guy reading
this who doesn't do well with the ladies: You don't really
understand what it is you're doing WRONG that makes you so
unattractive to women... for the *exact same reason* that
"Casanova" who scores left and right with them doesn't
understand what he's doing RIGHT.
Huh? Read that again if you have to. Both YOU and Casanova are
essentially clueless as to why you ended up the way that you are
in terms of your skill levels (or lack there of) when it comes
to charming and seducing women. Of course, Mr. Casanova isn't
unhappy about his situation, right? But you sure are.
Theory Time: I believe that both sets of behaviors which lie at
opposite ends of the spectrum are the result of accidents that
occurred when you were both just beginning to notice girls in a
different light (sexually)... sheer random incidents which
involved elements of good or bad luck, and nothing more.
It went like this: YOUR first trial and error experiences
occurred with a girl that simply DIDN'T LIKE YOU (probably
because of personal issues that had nothing to do with you, but
so what?) You thus ended up with a completely negative
reinforcement of your early efforts at seduction and
socialization. This awkward and possibly *shameful* first try at
romance robbed you of the critical early confidence you needed
to keep on experimenting and practicing your skills. It kicked
off a descending spiral of inaccurate behaviors that led to more
and more failures with women as time passed, further stunting
your social development.
More failure resulted in a complete loss of confidence, growing
social ineptitude and a withdrawal from the game of flirting and
even attempting to seduce women. Your behavioral changes
might've progressed to episodes of delusional thinking, dark
fantasies, etc. In other words, your *character* changed to make
it even less likely that you could successfully interact with
women, and voila'... a "nerd" was born.
Casanova, on the other hand -- due to simple GOOD fortune and
nothing else -- may've tried the exact same moves during his
adolescence just as you did, but HE happened to choose a girl
that LIKED him, and therefore responded to his fumbling first
efforts favorably. Get the picture?... a positive reaction to
the exact same inept moves that you made! Merely because of
random good luck, he happened to choose to work a girl who
responded to him in an emotionally reinforcing way.
This "big break" (that you didn't get) gave Casanova confidence
AND positive social feedback -- which further provided a
laboratory to fine tune his behaviors. Perhaps he even grew up
in an environment that supported or encouraged those initial
experimental behaviors -- a supportive older sister or a female
friend that he could talk to in confidence whenever he needed
advice? Someone to make the female psyche seem less mysterious
and intimidating? You, on the other hand, may've grown up in an
all-male environment where women seemed remote and unfathomable.
Possibly your every move in this arena was met with scorn or
ridicule whenever you actually tried to act, making you even
more gun shy.
You learned to associate fear and paralysis with the idea of
courting a woman.
Anyway, here's my point: Your downward turn could've just as
easily have been an upward turn had your luck been good instead
of bad with those first experiences. I believe that this element
of LUCK is more pivotal in our lives that most of us realize.
The timing of the luck is critical. It sets the stage for the
interplay of key events upon which your self-image is
manufactured in fits and starts. You see, there is really no
fundamental difference between the Social Casanova and the
Social Coward. Both are simply the end result of being turned in
different directions at a critical point in their lives.
Stated differently, your current status as a social coward is
all "nurture" (or in your case, lack of it...) and NOT "nature".
You out there reading this trying to find some edge with women
are no more genetically programmed to fail socially than the
Casanova is to succeed... you both simply LEARNED how to do it
as you traveled along divergent social-life paths.
Think about it... What if that first nervous reach for
affection had gone differently? What if that first girl you ever
asked out had said yes and became your "girlfriend" instead of
laughing in your face and running off to tell her friends what a
loser you were? Imagine how your social skills and confidence
would've improved over the subsequent months and years if that
time had been spent in social interaction (good, bad or ugly)
with women instead of social isolation? It would've given you a
whole different concept of yourself and made you an entirely
different person than you are today.
And to think that it all turned on that one damned UN-lucky
first break!
It's time to stop handing random chance the power to direct
your destiny. Time to make a course correction back into the
world of the living (and the socializing). There are techniques
to make it easier than you might think, but it all begins with a
decision not to let the faded echo of a long-ago negative event
continue to shape your life. And until you make that decision,
nothing will ever really change for you.
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