Sex and the Soul
The title of this article is likely to provoke many feelings,
thoughts, sarcasms etc., as many people falsely believe that
sex, spirituality, and the soul are at opposite ends of a
continuum. It is incredibly sad that something so beautiful and
intrinsic in our nature is so poorly understood and completely
obliterated in our society. Most of us are taught from an early
age that the body is dirty, sex is bad and that we shouldn't
touch our genitals. Somewhere along the line we developed this
inaccurate perception that sex and spirituality are separate and
that in order to be spiritual you need to be asexual and that
you are a better person if you divorce yourself from your sexual
energy, feelings, desires, and needs and that spirituality is
somehow superior to sexuality.
These attitudes are in complete contradiction to what is natural
and healthy. It is like cutting off one of your legs and trying
to run. We are taught to suppress our sexuality and to feel
shame for being a sexual being and therefore this creates the
problematic patterns we see associated with sex in our society
such as excessive sex partners, violence, dissatisfaction with
ones sex life, sexual confusion, degradation, incest, addiction
that are practically an epidemic. We have created a society with
two sexual extremes and very few people are able to find a
healthy medium. At one end we have people with very few or no
limits where meaningless sex, addiction, violence, rape, incest,
degradation etc. occurs and at the other end we have people with
very rigid limits who are afraid of sex, who are uncomfortable
even talking about it, who don't know even know what arouses
them, who think it is dirty and bad and should be hidden and or
not engaged in. The common thread in both of these extremes is
shame. People at both ends of the continuum are experiencing
shame but exhibit it in different ways. These are prime examples
of what happens when we disconnect our soul from our sexual
selves.
One of the factors that cause sex to create such great
difficulty in our relationships is because sexual energy and
spiritual energy feel very similar. Sometimes it is difficult to
tell the two apart. They often overlap. Because our society
doesn't encourage awareness or understanding of either one of
these energies we are left to try and figure them out ourselves
and in our ignorance we develop patterns that are unhealthy. Sex
is very spiritual and spirituality can feel very sexual at
times. I also believe this is one of the factors that makes sex
addictive, as I believe all addictions are really a search for
the spiritual. Addictive substances and activities give us that
incredible whole, at one with the universe, complete, euphoric
feeling that spirituality makes us feel. Because it feels so
wonderful, we want to feel it over and over so we keep doing the
substance or activity. After awhile we need more and more of the
substance or activity to have the same feeling. We are not
taught that these incredible spiritual feelings can be achieved
on a regular basis through developing deep healthy relationships
with the universe, others and ourselves.
Sex is not bad, dirty, unhealthy and the root of these
problems. It is the separation of sex from our souls and
suppression of sexual energy that creates these problems. It is
the lack of understanding and awareness of our sexual energy and
the ignorance that that this creates that causes to act in ways
that our troublesome and destructive. Being taught to suppress
and divorce our sexual energy separates us from a vital piece of
our spirituality. Our whole survival is dependant upon sex as
well as being one of the most pleasurable experiences we can
have and one of the most spiritual experiences one can have when
in the context of love and respect. Sexuality is a core
ingredient of our spiritual make up. By continually trying to
suppress sexuality we are only throwing fuel on the fire. The
solution is to explore and embrace our sexual energy, thoughts,
feelings, and fantasies. Reclaim our sexuality and reconnect it
to our souls. Get it out in the open. Part of the reason
destructive sexual forces have so much power is because of the
suppression and shame. Problems loose their power when brought
out in the open and dealt with directly.
So how do we shed ourselves of years of negative conditioning
and develop a healthier attitude, reconnect our souls with our
sexuality and celebrate our sexual selves. Well to begin with
and to ensure that our next generation will be a more sexually
enlightened group of people we start by teaching our children.
>From a very early age we help them to develop a healthy
appreciation and respect for their bodies and promote a healthy
attitude towards masturbation. We talk freely and openly with
them about sex without shame. We encourage them to talk to us
and ask questions. We teach them the difference between healthy
and unhealthy sex. We teach them that sex is human, healthy and
sacred and not just a physical act.
My personal belief is that healthy soul-satisfying sex takes
place between two people who connect on many levels and do or
are on their way to care about each other. In my experience the
deeper the relationship and the deeper the spiritual connection
is then the more fantastic and spiritual the sex will be.
Healthy spiritual sex can also occur by yourself if you are
without partner by deepening your relationship with yourself.
Meaningless or casual sex usually results in feelings of
emptiness, unfulfillment, and shame. It takes us further away
from our souls and leaves us searching for more in someone else.
In my opinion, great sex requires, deep spiritual connections,
deep intellectual connections, communication and as the
relationship evolves trust will become an issue. Sometimes we
meet someone and have an instant attraction. In this instance
great sex can occur quickly, but if deepening of the spiritual
and intellectual connection, communication and trust are not
nurtured then this attraction will diminish and die. These
things can only be developed over time and therefore the deeper
the trust, the connection and communication is then the less
inhibitions we will have and the freer we will become in
enjoying our sexual experiences. The sex will become even more
explosive and we will be able achieve new heights of passion and
fulfillment we didn't know existed. The depth of relationships
has no limit except those that we bring to it with our own fears
and issues and therefore if we allow the relationship to grow
and deepen there will always be another higher level of great
sex to be achieved.
I understand that many people are comfortable with casual sex
and that especially in adolescents, young adulthood and phases
of adulthood such as after divorce that it may be necessary to
experiment , retaliate or be reckless to find ones way and
learn. Ultimately I believe that what we find is that the most
fulfilling sex is that which is explored with someone we care
about, but we may have to go down many roads and go through many
experiences to learn this for ourselves. So while we are on this
journey or when we are with our loving partner I believe there
are basic tenets we should teach our children and abide by
ourselves to promote spiritual, respectful, ethical sex. Those
tenets are: