Communication in Relationships - Is There Such a Thing as Bad
Communication
Have you been holding onto feelings that bother you? Have you
been struggling with whether or not to communicate those
feelings to someone whom you care about? This article may help
to give you some foresight on whether you should unleash those
feelings, or not.
Communication is good, right? Personally, I believe it's next to
impossible to have a healthy, rewarding relationship without it.
Sure, the level of required communication depends on your level
of intimacy with the person you are communicating with. But, can
open communication ever be destructive, even when the
communicator thinks they are providing a helpful message for the
recipient? I would say it all boils down to knowing your
audience. Think about what you are about to convey, and then try
to predict how your recipient is going to react. Is the message
sensitive or volatile enough to destroy the relationship you
currently have? If so, it's best to think twice. Sounds simple
enough, right?
Take this story, for example. I know a woman that, for her whole
life, carried resentment about how her father raised her. This
story begins when she was 50 years old and her father was 72.
She felt she had not been nurtured and supported as much as she
needed when she was growing up. Her father was a "hard-liner".
We all know the type. A man made of mostly discipline and not
enough encouragement, keeping his feelings to himself. Something
compelled the woman to spill her guts and write her father a
letter. In this letter she described how she felt about her
relationship with her father. She pointed out many of the
shortcomings in her life and how she felt he was the cause of
them because she "didn't get what she needed from him". She
pointed these things out in a very polite manner; obviously
assuming her father would understand and feel compassion for
her. What actually happened was quite the contrary. The father
was very angry after reading her letter and felt he was being
attacked. What was once an acceptable relationship was now
broken beyond repair. At the time the daughter wrote the letter,
she thought it would benefit her to get those things off her
chest and didn't take time to ponder how her father would deal
with such things.
The case above could be considered "bad communication" as it
damaged the relationship it was meant to improve. Here are some
things you might want to consider before initiating a discussion
with someone, especially when your message contains sensitive,
blaming or potentially negative information.
1. What do you expect to accomplish with your message?
2. Try to predict how your audience will respond. Are you
prepared for an unexpected outcome?
3. Is it so important for you to get your message across that
it's worth the risk of breaking the relationship? In some cases
it may be, such as a case with a friend or spouse.
4. If you predict that your message may cause undesirable
results, you may want to use a good friend or family member as a
sounding board, so you can clear your head of your thoughts.
Even more so, it can be very beneficial for you to write the
person a letter but never deliver it. I believe this works
better than spilling your guts to a third party.
5. You can ask advice from a trusted friend or family member
(especially if they know the recipient of the message). However,
always make the final decision on what to do. Your advisor
probably has nothing to lose and may not give you proper advice
in the matter.
Relationships are important in everyone's life, whether with
friends, family, business associates or complete strangers. For
that reason, care should always be taken on how to communicate
sensitive information. Can communication be a bad thing? I think
it always depends on the circumstances. Sometimes you need to
choose to hold back or potentially lose the relationship.