Non-Resolutions
I've never liked the idea of New Year's Resolutions. If you make
them, you feel that you are somehow accountable, and what if you
don't live up? Who's keeping score anyway? It could be the most
unrelenting taskmaster of all. On a very real level, the worst
person you ever want to disappoint is yourself. Maybe that is
why I don't like New Year's Resolutions.
Despite the fact that I don't like them and I invariably refuse
to make them, the New Year is nevertheless a time to reflect, to
think about where you've been in the past year and to set your
sights on where you'd like to go. This much self-analysis I can
handle.
As the holiday festivities wind down, I enjoy curling up with a
nice cup of my favorite coffee and spending some quality time
with myself, thinking about what I've accomplished in the last
year, and also thinking about things from last year's list, uh
non-list, that I really wish I had accomplished. What went
wrong? How do I get back on the path I want?
I think back over the last year and I think hard. Sometimes, no
matter how hard you try; life really does get in the way of
itself. But you know, when I am working just as hard as I can,
and things still don't work out, I don't have to apologize to
anyone, all I have to do is remind myself to keep trying.
Keeping in mind that old adage about try, try again - sometimes
it's not that we need to try again, we've already been doing
that -- again and again and again. Sometimes we really do need
to try something else. That said, I do think hard about what I
need to do to keep myself on course. Sometimes I need to stay on
the same old course and try it one more time and sometimes I
need to try something different. Either way, as another old
saying goes, "I ain't no quitter."
I'm also a dreamer and after I really look hard at the things I
need to keep after, the things I need to change, the things I
need to fix, and the closets I need to clean out, I spend some
time dreaming about the things I want to make a reality. I think
about those dreams. And most definitely, I dream those dreams.
Deep down, I am a list maker, a planner and a dreamer. And just
about the time I take the last sip on those reminisces and
regrets about the old year, I fill my cup one more time. Now, I
am thinking about the New Year, what I want to accomplish, what
I need to accomplish, and what I want to do, just because I want
to.
Out comes the paper and pen. Somehow, it makes it more real when
you write it down. And write it down I do.
Nothing is immune from my New Year's non-resolution list making,
sometimes it's an inch or two that must go, am I getting all the
exercise I need? Other times it is that novel I meant to finish,
and despite making my non-resolution list at least every other
year, it will be there until I'm done. Oh, and that trip I
always wanted to take! How much will I have to budget to make
that one excursion happen. I can't even remember the last time I
made it to the beach. And that trail I've always wanted to hike.
That old friend I've been meaning to write, the garden I want to
plant, the new recipe I want to cook - just because I know we'll
all love it. The special evening I want to spend with my honey.
Nothing, absolutely nothing is immune from my list making and
you can count on things being there for no other reason than
that those are things I really, really would like to do. Get the
idea? These are the things that make my life my own; these are
the things that make life good.
Likely, as not, though, I'll also include the next exact step I
need to take to keep my career on the path I want. And, down to
business, keeping my finances in order, and my house from
falling in around me. I also try to take note of my friends and
family: are my relationships all where they should be? Are the
people who depend on me happy and are their lives heading in the
direction they need to be going? If not, what can I do to help,
what is in my power to do and what is realistic? This is not a
nosedive into co-dependency, this is about looking at my family
and friends and trying to make sure that I am doing my part. You
know, the old saw about, "It takes a whole a village...." Well,
it does.
Just about done now, this is not a long assignment, just a few
moments with a nice cup of coffee, a pen and a piece of scratch
paper. Just a little bit of thinking, a little bit of planning
-- and just about done reminiscing when some unspent tears make
their way to the surface. That's okay too. Because, invariably,
that too is part of my little bit of time, with my favorite cup
of coffee, facing the New Year once again. Life is hard, no
doubt, and I'd be lying if I said the last year hadn't been
hard. Nonetheless, in a lot of ways, it has also been a good
year and I have a new one to look forward to. With that, I
scribble out my last non-resolution, polish off the last drop of
coffee and with bitter-sweet resolve, I am once more ready to
face the New Year.
Copyright 2005 Regina Pickett Garson