An Apple on Your Head. Relationship Physics
An Apple on Your Head. Relationship Physics
Attempts to describe the differences and similarities of men and
women have been made by philosophers, church leaders, and
day-time TV. All have failed.
Our ancestors lived in trees, then we evolved. Sort of. After
centuries of development men still tend to hunt and gather. Men
still consider their role to be the provider, to bring home the
clubbed furry thing for lunch. Do women still select their mate
for his physical prowess? "Him big, make good hunter."
Women still tend to nurture and play their supportive role in
our homes now on the ground and made of sticks and stone. It is
women who have this unique ability to bear more hunters. It is
women who still prepare the dead furry thing by combining it
with organic matter plucked form the earth. Do men select their
women based on physical child bearing attributes? "Big things,
make good mother."
Anthropologists have offered indisputable scientific proof that
men and women are different, and have evolved according to some
kind of physical law, have evolved according to some cultural
rule. They tell us men and women have behaved much the same
since the beginning. So by now we should have it all figured
out. Men and women should live in their cave and form a bond,
based on their primitive need to please the other and to protect
their symbiotic relationship. If it were so, then how do we
account for the divorce rate? How do we account for the
thousands of unhappy marriages? Sir Isaac Newton, a 17th Century
scientist, might explain it using his laws of physics.
1. "An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an
object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and
in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force."
Soccer mom drives the SUV from field to field and will continue
to do so unless she is interrupted by a stationary object called
a tree. Cooking and cleaning mom tends to continue cooking and
cleaning unless she has to rush aerobics class, or pick up the
kids. Baby making mom tends to stay at rest and motionless
unless he wants to try a new position.
Working man tends to stay at work unless he is interrupted with
a request to show up before the diner is cold, and bring home a
loaf of bread. TV man tends to stay at rest unless the game is
over and has to use the sandbox, or is out of beer, or both.
2. "The acceleration of an object as produced by a net
force is directly proportional to the magnitude of the net
force, in the same direction as the net force, and inversely
proportional to the mass of the object."
Most people think of this as dropping bricks and feathers from
tall buildings. It's really a reference to the relationship
habits of man and woman. See, back in the 17th century, and
anthropologists will agree, women were considered to be objects,
and men were the force.
If you read the 2nd law again it would be:
She moves faster to her mother or to her lover when he pushes
her harder. Or, he pushes her by doing nothing at all,
especially around the house on weekends when he claims that he
needs to rest so he can continue to work and earn money so she
can have the SUV to take the kids to soccer and ballet and
swimming and rush home to cook and finish the laundry and be
ready for sex when he is finished playing on the computer and
gets an erection.
3. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite
reaction."
This simple writer firmly believes and affirms that Sir Isaac's
third law explains just about every relationship thing between
man and woman.
This physics law, this law of nature, this universal man-woman
law, explains what is going to happen to him when he forgets her
birthday. It also explains why she get's him exactly the right
colour cover for his golf clubs, or the right size shirt with
the button down collar that goes with his pants that she gave
him last month.
The third law also explains why she reacts the way she does when
he brings her flowers. Or phones her when he will be late. Or
doesn't forget her birthday. Or takes her to dinner, or takes
the kids to soccer so she can have a rest. Or gives her a hug.
Or stops what he is doing, or not doing, and simply listens to
her.
Or says, "I love you" and means it.