Turning Confrontations into Conversations
Few of us look forward to confrontation. When we have "issues"
with someone our energy has become strained or "jammed up." We
often feel the energy between us and this person has become a
battleground and confronting them feels like we're heading into
battle. And as with any battleground, we have to arm and protect
ourselves in anticipation of war. In any war there will be a
winner and a loser. War-like confrontations often involve each
side yelling and screaming to be heard, with each person taking
the "I am right, and I want to be sure you know that I am right"
attitude. We don't go into a confrontation looking for a win-win
solution; we each want to come out the winner. Trust me when I
say, confrontations never work for anyone.
We must also take into consideration conflicts are unavoidable
and arise on a daily basis. Each one of us is "a bundle of
beliefs and opinions" that at times differs from someone else's
beliefs and opinions. It is important to call on our internal
wisdom to guide us in knowing which conflicts to let go of,
which to walk away from and which ones are important enough to
have a conversation about. If you are willing to have a
conversation with someone before the battle arises, you increase
the possibility of a win/win solution. Here are 4 steps to
having a peaceful conversation:
1. Have the conversation as soon as possible after the conflict
arises. The longer you wait, the more the splinter will fester
and you'll begin to leak energy. Each day that goes by without
discussing it with the other person slowly builds up to a
conflict.
2. Take on the attitude that you are not "right" about this
situation. Both you and the other person have different
perceptions and opinions to which each is entitled. Be open to
listening to their point of view. Once they feel acknowledged,
they will be more apt to listen to your point of view. The road
to resolution is not a one way street. 3. Take a moment to get
clear on what you want to express. Enter into the conversation
believing that you will hear and be heard and that each of you
will eventually get to a place of understanding each other's
position. Each of you wants, and deserves, to be heard and
validated. What is true for you is also true for the other
person.
4. Before the conversation, sit quietly, move into your heart
space and envision the outcome you desire. See you and the other
person having a great conversation, each listening to the
other's perception, shaking hands and both of you feeling like
you've been victorious.
And let's face it: There are people in this world who walk
around so afraid of appearing vulnerable and weak that they see
most situations as a "fight to be right," or a "battle to be
won." When you come in conflict with such a person, have the
wisdom to walk away. No conversations will ever be heard except
the one inside you, with your inner guide encouraging you to
"walk away from this one," and "send this person love," because
they sure could use an extra dose right now.
Be inspired this week to let go of the conflict. Ask your inner
wisdom which conversations are yours to have. Ask for the
courage to listen, validate and speak your truth. Believe in a
win/win solution.