Creating An Effective Personals Ad That Gets Results: Do's and
Don'ts
Creating a great ad means selling your strengths and attributes.
Think of this as creating your personal resume. Many of the
online systems provide a multiple choice matching along with an
essay. After someone finds you with a "match", it is your essay
portion that can make you shine. It is crucial to fill out the
essay completely, with at least 2 or three sentences per
question asked. You can come back to the essay later on many
systems. You will spend 45 minutes to an hour filling this out.
People who do not fill out the essay are not taking seriously
and get passed on for other profiles that are more forthcoming.
Be honest in your ad.
What to write about? Describe yourself honestly and accurately.
Include hard data such as your height, weight, body type,
educational background and profession. Show your personality.
Talk about your hobbies, interests, activities you enjoy,
movies, books, or music you enjoy, where you like to travel, and
minimally about your work (do not give your place of
employment....keep it general such as: I am a nurse at a local
clinic, an accountant with a medium size company, etc). Don't
share too much information or write a book.....just write enough
to get them interested. You have to leave something to talk
about later.
Share your feelings and experiences, not just facts about your
life. You don't want your profile to be a touchy-feely pile of
mush (can you hear your potential dates heading for the door?),
but you do want to communicate things people can relate to:
where you're from, where you are, where you're going in life,
what makes you laugh, things you really enjoy about life. DON'T
fixate on only one aspect of your life: You may love your dog,
have a great career, live to ski, and those are great things to
talk about in your profile. But if you talk about that and only
that, you're going to come off as one-dimensional and obsessed.
Show your fully rounded self. Put your personality and humor
into what you write. Tell what you are like, and don't try to
make false impressions. False impressions will back fire in the
online dating arena as much as they will in the rest of your
life. Relax, and let your true self show through. There are
people who will like who you are.
Don't dwell on your problems and limitations: This is not the
place to talk about why you got divorced, your last relationship
didn't work out, or problems at work. You can talk about this
later after you get to know someone. If you have children,
mention them BRIEFLY with their ages and sex. Do not spend time
talking about your children or reveal their names. People are
wanting to look at a profile that focuses on YOU, not your
immediate family. You can talk about your childcare arrangements
and coaching little league soccer, etc later. People looking at
your profile want to know you have time for them. Focusing on
your children and their activities can give the impression that
you will have limited time.
What you are looking for: Think about who you are and what you
are looking for. To make friends? Fall in love? Meet someone to
hang out with? Do you want something short term or long term? Do
you just want to chat with? (Ex. I am looking for a cultured man
between 32-45 who is a Christian, attends church, college
educated, and is into opera and gallery hopping). (Ex. Looking
for a down to earth gal between 22-30 that likes the country,
camping, country music, country dancing and NASCAR). Don't say
that you are looking for the love of your life and want to get
married....this will scare a lot of people away. Its good idea
to state the general type of person you are hoping to meet, but
don't overdo it. If you set down too many requirements you will
miss out on the opportunity to meet some great people, and quite
possibly the one that is just right for you.
Words to Use and Avoid:
Good Words: Affectionate, Likes to cuddle, interested in a
committed relationship, sensitive, great cook, romantic, caring,
monogamous, down to earth, looking for best friend, educated,
sophisticated, loving, generous, cute, reliable, my colleagues
describe me as handsome, great legs, petite, curvaceous,
hourglass figure, gentleman.
Words to Avoid: Some of the bad stuff I have seen in ads. (On
some systems, you will get terminated using some of this
language whether in your profile or in an email). These guys
have read too many Penthouse magazines and need to look in the
alternative personals. Here is what NOT to put in a personal on
a regular/metro site: Well hung, great in bed, I'd love to
satisfy you, sexually insatiable, animal, great lover, oral,
fuck, blow, make love, erotic, uninhibited and any other sexual
words. This stuff is SCARY to most women and runs them off.You
can tweak and improve your profile as you go along.
Tweaking your profile: If you're getting the type of responses
you're looking for, great. If you're getting responses from the
wrong types of people or not getting as many responses as you'd
like, then review your profile and think about how you can
improve it and make yourself shine a little bit more. Most
matchmaking systems have a place for you to edit your essay and
parts of your ad. Take a look at it at least every couple of
weeks.
How to search for a new friend: Each matchmaking system has
different ways of searching for compatible profiles. Some have
several ways. Typically these are MATCH, SEARCH, FIND, and some
allow you to make a Search Profile that you can reuse. You can
search by location, ideal height and weight, ethnic background
-- even by interest in having kids in the future.
A high percentage on a multiple choice match is a good start but
read the answers and look at the essay. The percentages may be
great but then the profile might be someone who sounds desperate
and lonely, is someone just looking for sex or has totally
different interests and values.
If there is a photo, look at the photo and remember that the
photo can be one taken yesterday or 5 years ago. Unless the
person is down right unappealing, remember that amateur/family
photos don't always make a person look their best. Look for
profiles that match your ideal characteristics but also hit you
the right way -- do the writers sound funny? Intellectual? Love
animals as much as you do? Like to travel?
Posting Photos: It is up to you to post a photo. You will
increase your response rate TEN TIMES by posting a photo. People
want to see who they are writing to, and many don't want to
start a correspondence and waste time with someone that they
don't know if there is even a initial attraction from a photo.
If you want a lot of responses, you'd better have a picture.
>From my experience, and from what I've heard from others, it
seems that people who don't have pictures of themselves are
usually hiding something. So, if you don't have a picture,
people are going to assume you look like a dog. If you are a
high profile person in the city you live, offer in your profile
to exchange photos from your personal (yahoo or hotmail, not
your real email address). Make sure you put an accurate
description of what you look like in your profile. You may want
to say what celebrity you closely resemble.
People who say they don't have a photo or don't have a way to
get one on line are either lazy or playing games. If you don't
have a scanner at home or work, take a photo to KINKO's (they
are everywhere). Have your photo or photos scanned in a .jpg
format. Most matchmaking systems do not allow you to send the
zip files or unusable formats. Typically .jpg, .gif, and .bmp is
the limit and they must be sized down. Photos should have a
shirt on, clearly show your face (no sunglasses), well lit, no
swimwear (except for secondary shots) and no family in your
primary photo. Make sure you are smiling in the photo. (Who
wants to meet someone who looks angry and glum). Many companies
allow secondary shots that have your family and friends in the
photos as long as you are in the photo. Don't use a photo in
which you're dressed too revealingly -- you want to look elegant
and alluring, but a picture of you in a bikini is going to
attract the wrong kind of responses.
What should you not send? You car, house, boat, photos of your
kids or friends by themselves, photos where your face is the
size of a pencil head, photos with your ex, dark shots, anything
revealing, etc. Send your best photos. Remember, FIRST
IMPRESSIONS may be your only chance. Your most recent photo of
you camping (once in 5 years) with the ball cap on may leave a
the impression that you don't want others to have. Again, think
in terms of a resume. How would you want an employer to first
see you? (Dressed nicely with your hair perfect). Ex. A good mix
would be primary photo in a business suit or polo shirt,
secondary photo out rock climbing with friends, third photo with
two nephews at XMAS.
Out of Town or Unable to Answer email? Members of matchmaking
systems expect responses to their emails quickly. If you can't
answer emails for a week or two, edit your profile and at the
top of the essay say "I will be out of town for "x time frame"
and will not have access to email. Please ear mark my profile
and write me back at "x time frame" and I will be happy to
respond when I return." This is especially important during the
summer months when people are on vacation and during holidays.