Making Contact
Whether you're sending a note to a member of an online community
or responding to an online personal ad, how you start an e-mail
relationship can determine whether it will ever become more than
an e-mail relationship. Here are some things to think about when
making first contact:
Don't Send Form Letters Obviously some information in your
introductory e-mail will be the same no matter who you're
sending it to. Your location, age, profession and other details
you may wish to include are relatively constant. Just make sure
you add that personal touch to your message. It's always a good
idea to mention what about the person you're writing to
compelled you to respond to them. No one wants to feel like
they've been caught in a huge net someone tossed into cyberspace
to see what they could catch and no matter how carefully you
word a form letter, they almost always read like form letters.
Also, you may end up contacting the same person a week later
from a different personals site and receiving the same form
letter twice never makes the recipiant feel special.
Be Honest Of course you want to highlight your best qualities
when introducing yourself to someone you're interested in but
there is no easier way to sabatoge an online relationship than
lying. This also includes exagerating, implying something false
and being non-specific enough to avoid the truth. You don't have
to provide unflattering information in the first e-mail but you
shouldn't address a subject if you don't want to be honest about
it. The "real" people, the ones you want to meet, don't expect
perfection. In fact, if someone seems too good to be true, they
probably are. So be honest, be yourself and start off on the
right foot. What might begin as an online flirtation could turn
into the real thing unless you've built yourself an image you
can't live up to.
Include A Recent Photograph If Possible Especially if the
website or personal ad you're responding to included a picture,
it's only fair that you send one with your initial response. Not
only does sending your photo make your letter more personal, it
also eliminates any potential fantasy build-up on the part of
your new acquaintance. We all want people to say, "You're
attractive!" not "I thought you would be better looking," right?
Ask Questions The one-sided conversation that develops when
trading e-mails can be difficult. Most people have a hard time
talking about themselves without being given a starting point.
The initial contact that says, "Here's some stuff about me. If
you're interested write back" can be a very challenging letter
to answer. Everyone who is using the Internet as a tool for
meeting prospective friends and dates is not only willing to
answer questions about themselves but wants to. It's the way to
see if you might be compatible. Make it fun and easy to write
back to you and chances are you'll get a response.
Be Safe The Internet provides great ways to find other singles
to communicate with. It also provides great ways to communicate
safely. Never give out your telephone number or other traceable
information in a first e-mail. If trading e-mails is too
impersonal for your tastes, suggest one of the many free chat
programs available (ICQ, Yahoo Messenger) or arrange to meet in
a public chat. You can take the time to get to know someone
online until you feel comfortable moving to the next level. Of
course when and if you do decide to meet someone in the "real
world," always keep your personal safety in mind.