Drugged

I have given up on love even before I could welcome the thought that it truly exists. Perhaps I have felt it lurking somewhere inside me for so many times in the past but I brushed it away till it is too weak to ever wanna try to enthrall me again.

I am not bitter or anything like that. I've seen people fall in love in a thousand different ways. I have seen their eyes sparkle like no other bright star can. I heard it's serenade. Lovers float in a warm embrace. I do not condemn them for a heart's surrender. I envy them. It takes a lot of courage to allow yourself to fall in love.

I have always been afraid of love. Afraid of wanting and needing somebody so much. I have successfully convinced myself that I am better off alone. The sun will still shine for me in my waking hours. I turn away everytime love finds me worthy. I wonder why people fall in love when after all the happy moments, they know there's bitter end. After all the sparkles in the eyes, a tear awaits to fall and behind those smiles...a frown was drawn. No, I am not ready to get hurt. Forever only exists in fairybook tales and in this world where everything is slowly getting older and hopeless romantics choose to cling on to their childish fantasies, I let reality build walls around me.

But this morning, I woke up trembling. The sun was shining a little more brighter than it used to. I never allowed too much light to come into my room for I know, it will blind me. It's rays peeped through my bedroom window as if threatening me to divulge my deepest desire... A secret that I myself wasn't aware of. It scared me. Could it be that I turned out to be someone...or worst,something different during my sleep? I looked at myself in the mirror and saw someone else's reflection. It was a face I've seen in my lifetime. How could I forget those lines, those curves? But no, I haven't seen that kind of smile before.I woke up in a world completely different from the one that I have grown comfortable with. I wished I was dreaming....

But I wasn't. Someone broke down the walls around me and rearranged my life. I am now seeing the world through someone else's eyes. Every little thing matters. Every little thing whispers an unknown promise and something,somewhere inside of me reassures my shaken soul that it's gonna be wonderful. I screamed from the top of my lungs hoping that my quivering voice would somehow drown the sound of my own heartbeat. But it is more powerful. Something that I can no longer escape. I close my eyes and a face a appears. I hear a voice. I feel the strength of an embrace that weakens me. I have gone insane and lost control. I have fallen in love.

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