The Dating Box
Whether you are actively dating or just getting back into
dating, it is a world full of possibilities. However, most of us
are creatures of habit and our patterns keep us in a dating box,
searching for and dating the same types over and over.
Making contact online, you first have to find people that
interest you by searching the dating website's membership.
Online the dating box is literal, as you have to fill in web
forms to find potential dates. Most dating sites give you two
ways to search - quick or advanced. Quick searches are just that
- they're small web forms that let you search based on just a
few criteria, like location or age. Advanced searches are larger
web forms that let you search using lots of more specific
criteria, like hair color, eye color, education, body type and
more.
Just remember that the more criteria that you use for your
searches, the fewer results you'll get. Searches are unforgiving
- they'll return exactly what you ask for. We call them "harsh
numbers". When you choose an age range of, let's say, 30-39, the
person who just turned 40 will not show up in the search
results. If you want to find someone with light brown hair,
those great dark brown haired people...like me...will be cast
aside.
Also, many sites let you use keywords as part of the search
criteria. This allows a search for words in a member's profile
that match your areas of interest. You can search specifically
for words like "tennis", "skiing", or something else. This lets
you be super-specific if you wish.
Although you want to find someone that attracts you and that you
share things in common, don't limit yourself to what you think
is "your type". After all, the "type" that you have gone for in
the past might have not worked out. Think "outside your box".
What we often think is "our type" is the same person we have
been chasing unsuccessfully, through one bad relationship after
another, our whole life. Even if your type was a successful
relationship in the past, you cannot repeat a relationship you
once had with someone new. Unless you date outside your box you
will never know if maybe someone different just might be your
"type."
When going over your wants, there is the numbers trap that we
need to watch out for as well. Offline we often use the
expression, "numbers don't lie." However the new culture of
online dating, numbers often do lie.
For instance the harsh numbers of weight, height and age when in
black and white may make a person appear unattractive to you
online, who you would find very attractive offline.
When we meet people in person we don't say, How old are you? How
much do you weigh? How tall are you? How much money do you make?
In person someone may carry his or her height, weight or age off
in a very attractive manner. But when you look at the numbers
online you think too old, too heavy, too short, too tall etc and
that simply may not be the case. You have the right to want what
you want, but I tell you this so that you can allow yourself to
look past the numbers and be more open.
If you're not finding people that fit, try expanding your
horizons. You are not making any long-term commitment when
meeting people, so be open and meet more people and who you fall
for might surprise you. So get out of your dating box and don't
restrict yourself. Allow the incredible opportunity of online
dating to work for you. Contact and meet a lot of people and
leave yourself open to the possibilities...
About The Author- As a life coach, Devlyn has made helping
people find ways to improve their lives his personal mission and
passion. He is a public consultant, a private counselor, an
author and creator of Tools To Life. He has hosted his own radio
shows called "Tools To Life" and "Love beat" and has been a
guest on over 150 various shows. You can read his articles and
advice all over the internet. Devlyn has often been referred