6 Key Reasons Men and Women Cheat on Each Other
Cheating in relationships has been around as long as romantic
relationships have existed (give or take seven years.) If you
have never cheated yourself, chances are you have at least
considered it ... or at the very least you are close to someone
who has cheated in some relationship.
As we are all aware, at least one of our ex-presidents has
cheated (historians tell us many of them have), along with
countless other celebrities and politicians. There's even a
program called "Cheaters" on TV that allows suspicious partners
to spy on their potentially cheating mates.
Just how widespread is cheating?
According to Susan Sheppard, life and relationship coach and
author of How to Get What You Want From Your Man Anytime,
"Infidelity affects eight out of 10 marriages in this country."
That's a startling 80 percent!
Why is it, though, that men and women cheat on each other,
rather than simply staying single in the first place or being
upfront with their partners?
Interestingly, where men and women once cheated for different
reasons (men for the physical aspect and the excitement, women
because they were unhappy in their relationship), nowadays those
differences are disappearing.
"In the past, there were significant gender differences," says
Dr. Glass, PhD, author of Not "Just Friends": Protect Your
Relationship From Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal.
"The traditional male affair that was primarily sexual is
changing because more men are having more emotional affairs
(meaning their feelings for the "other woman" go beyond just
sexual) with coworkers. Meanwhile, women are having more sexual
affairs."
The reasons we cheat are more complex than you may think, and
the motivations are vastly different for each person.
Emotional Needs Not Met
When one partner feels lonely, misunderstood, ignored or
emotionally "uncared" for by their mate, the stage is set for
infidelity. It's cases like these where the person will seek to
have their emotional needs met by talking with friends and
coworkers, perhaps even confiding in them about their
relationship problems.
If a physical attraction exists between the person and the new
confidante, it could lead to first flirting and then all-out
cheating.
Physical Needs Not Met
Similar to emotional needs, if a person isn't satisfied by their
partner physically, they may seek this out from another person.
This could be done consciously or unconsciously, but a person
who feels isolated physically will often be drawn to someone who
shows them affection and physical attention, which could lead to
infidelity.
Constant Conflict Within the Relationship
If the relationship is plagued with problems - -these could be
related to finances, different values, in-laws, career,
location, etc. -- a person may seek refuge in the arms of
someone else. This may be done as a way to escape from the
conflicts at hand, or a person may cheat to make themselves feel
better about the conflict (for instance, a man who loses his job
and feels unable to provide for his family who has an affair
with a younger woman, which makes him feel a sense of
accomplishment and self-worth).
One Person Just Wants Excitement and Attention
Sometimes couples get stuck in the routine of everyday life so
severely that it leads one partner to stray. It may be a
mid-life crisis of sorts, a way to recapture youth or just a
strong feeling of wanting some excitement (for some, an affair
can add excitement just for the very fact that it is
"forbidden).
Along these lines, a person may cheat to feel they're desirable
to another person (not just to their mate). When a person cheats
for this reason, it's often to enhance their own self-esteem --
and, "There is nothing like a flirtation to restore a sense of
self-esteem," says Sheppard, "But sometimes that flirtation gets
taken to far."
Empowerment
There are those out there who simply believe they are entitled
to more than one intimate partner. Perhaps they are following
"traditions" set up by their family, in which one parent was
overly flirtatious or cheated, or they may just do it because
they feel they can.
To End a Relationship
A person who is unhappy in a relationship may cheat as a way
out. They may do so hoping to get caught, and therefore thrown
out of the relationship, or they may be seeking to find a new
mate and start a new relationship before letting go of the
former, unhappy one. Says Lonnie Barbach, PhD, co-author of
Going the Distance: Finding and Keeping Lifelong Love, of this
type of cheating, "[It's] different from the person who cheats
while maintaining the dating relationship--this person is much
more likely to cheat during marriage."
Relationships After Cheating
After one partner has cheated, does the relationship have hope?
According to most experts, yes. In fact, some relationships may
even grow stronger. "I've seen many relationships that were much
better after the affair, because up until then the couple wasn't
dealing with their real issues. Dealing with the affair helped
them communicate on a much deeper level," says Barbach.
IF YOU LIKED THIS ARTICLE DEFINITELY CHECK OUT:
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You
http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/06/29/attraction.htm