Sad Scientific Facts about Love
Disaster results when we see women trying to change a man's
behaviour. According to evolutionary biologist Rosie Mestel,
what women perceive as bad male behaviour (lying, cheating,
ogling other women) is actually part of a biologically based
prime directive to procreate as fast as possible. All the
poorconfused thing is doing is behaving "naturally": trying to
solve the age-old problem of passing on his genes before he
croaks.
Therefore I ask you women out there --would you put a bird in a
stream and expect it to fly? Perhaps that's why men see so many
women as controlling, or even cruel.
The desire for commitment is another bad symptom that defies the
laws of nature. According to University of Texas psychologist
David Buss, "forever is a long time for a guy." A woman only
produces twelve eggs a year, and each growing baby represents a
huge investment of her time and energy. Men on the other hand
have buckets and buckets of sperm so it is in their best
interests to impregnate as many women as possible to increase
their chances of reproducing themselves.
A long time ago, in the caves and jungles, a man would know when
a woman was ovulating because she would, like chimpanzees still
do, display her swollen red genitals to males. Women, don't do
that any more, unless they're a lap dancer."
Apparently men stick around because subconsciously, they are
trying to figure out when a woman will ovulate and release her
monthly egg. The woman mistakes this hanging around for a desire
to "commit" to her. Of course, the only commitment that may
result is to an insane asylum. Whether they will admit or not, a
male's primary directive is to impregnate somebody who is female
--- you and whoever.
People in Paleolithic times didn't "fall in love." They were too
busy. They fell into tar pits and drowned. By the way, it may
also interest realmers to know that when it comes to sex "looks
are everything." That's why men like to ogle Pamela Lee Anderson
. Anderson s a perfect .07, which is the ratio that is arrived
at when you divide her waist measurement by her hip measurement.
According to Devendra Singh, a professor at the University of
Texas at Austin, this particular hip-to-waist ratio is the
equation of "lust." Lust is a healthy state, as opposed to love
which is of course a state of mental illness. Women with a waist
to hip ratio of 1.0 or over or 0.6 or under are immediately
kicked out of the gene pool, as the male's subconscious
"discriminate breeder within" sees those women as either sick,
pregnant or too old to bear their progeny. By the way, the doll
Barbie, who's .58 wouldn't make the grade.
Many of you will protest these findings and insist that you can
make up for your lack of physical beauty with personality, charm
and talent. Sorry! According to Randy Thornhill of the
University of New Mexico, when it comes to procreation, "beauty
is everything. " Both men and women look for symmetry in a
partner, as, a long, long time ago, in the jungle, asymmetry led
us to believe that our partner was riddled with horrible
parasites. Also, men prefer women with little chins because
estrogen is involved with jaw development. Evidence of estrogen
makes them go "Aha!
Fertility! An excellent place to deposit a seed!" Women
especially complain that "he tells me he loves me, but he
doesn't act like it." According to Buss, over the millenniums
men have developed the capacity for deceitful smooth-talking to
fool women, who have evolved inbuilt lie-detectors to counteract
this problem. The male knows a woman won't sleep with him if he
has intentions to run off afterwards, so he lies to her. That is
why women spend so much time engaged in the
do-you-think-he-really-loves-me routine with their girlfriends.
However, men have evolved to think that they actually believe
the lies they're spouting; he is sincere in the moment, that is
-- until he gets want he wants.
Even more infuriating, at least to women, is the results of
Buss's studies on post-coital attraction. Apparently, when asked
how they felt about a partner after sex, most males said they
were "less attracted" while most women said they were "more
attracted". I guess Mom was right about saving it 'til you're
married.
Love is the only disease where people actually seek out
punishment. Unfortunately, the only cure for love is loneliness.
So if you find yourself all alone this Valentine's Day, take
heart. At least you're sane.