Working Moms - Got Guilt?
~WORKING MOM~ Got Guilt?
IF YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT, PARTICULARLY A WORKING MOM, IT'S
LIKELY YOU ARE AMONG THE 95% WHO FEEL GUILTY WHEN THEY LEAVE
THEIR KIDS AND GO TO WORK. Many moms leave their day care in
tears and then spend the rest of the day aching to be with their
child. Few people can afford to quit their jobs so they go on,
day after day, living this vicious cycle of guilt. The truth is
that until you acknowledge the true antagonist, you cannot
change it!
SO WHERE DID THIS GUILT COME FROM ANYWAY? Since monsters hide in
the dark, let's shine a light on this one so it will go away.
Most likely, you were working before you had children and fully
intended to work after you had children. No surprise there! The
surprise came when that first day arrived to drop your baby off
at day care. It was almost impossible to leave, wasn't it? As
you got used to the idea of saying good-bye to your child for
the day, that nagging guilt manifested in many other ways - you
know, the temptation to not discipline in the evening so you
could have "quality time"; the keeping her up too late because
you have not been with her all day. Not to mention that
underlying fear that your child will become more attached to,
and have a stronger relationship with your day care provider
than she has with you.
BEING A WORKING PARENT IS PART OF TODAY'S WORLD. Most families
cannot maintain the lifestyle they have worked so hard to create
without two incomes. The conflict arises for women when the
traditional model of the stay-at-home-mom starts rumbling like a
small earthquake in her heart. The necessity and expectation to
have women be a breadwinner AND mom is still fairly new. There
are a lot of hats to wear, and taking one off before putting
another on is often impossible. The hat for a demanding job
seems to never come off, even for some essential, 100%,
mom-time.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH EACH DAY AT WORK FEELING LIKE A
"BAD MOM" (NOT MY WORDS), NOR DO YOU NEED TO SPEND YOUR FAMILY
TIME MAKING UP TO YOUR CHILD FOR THE FACT THAT YOU WORK. Here
are 3 simple steps that will free you to give yourself
permission to enjoy your professional life and blossom as a
parent as well:
1. FIND A DAY CARE THAT YOU ARE COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE WITH. You
should be able to say good-bye to your child in the morning and
go to work with absolutely no worries. Your mind should be on
work and not your child's well being. If you have any concern at
all, talk to your provider about it. If you don't get relief,
it's time to find another place that you feel relaxed about.
Your feelings regarding the care of your child are your best
resource. (By the way, a day care provider could never, never
take your place. You are Mommy, and no one else can fill those
shoes - period! She provides a warm, loving substitute for you,
but a substitute is just that and no more.) 2. REALIZE WHY YOU
ARE WORKING! Is it because you want to be away from your child?
Probably not. It may be that you are a better mom because you
also have a professional identity. You may be able to create
better moments together when you are not with your child 24/7.
You're not alone. Most moms feel that way. Isn't it true that
you are working to provide a great lifestyle for your family?
The truth is that you're doing it "for" your kids not "to" your
kids!
3. DO WHAT YOU LOVE! Could you maintain your lifestyle without
your job? If not, make sure you love what you do! It changes
your whole outlook if you love your work. Answer this question:
"Does my job add to my life or take away from it?" If your job
is sucking the life out of you, it's time for a change...
IF YOUR JOB IS SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF YOU...It may be that the
demands of your career consume your time and leave little to
nothing for your family or yourself.
IF STRESS, FRUSTRATION AND GUILT, FROM THE JOB YOU HAVE, ARE NOT
THE LIFE COMPONENTS YOU CRAVE, THEN THE TIME TO CHANGE THAT IS
RIGHT NOW.
DON'T SPEND ANOTHER DAY feeling the anguish of the
working-parent-conflict! Do one thing today to put control of
your career, and your life, back in YOUR hands.
It's up to you!