Unemployment Blues: Mind Over Mood
Our lives are tranquil and smooth so seldom, it seems. We have
our ups-and-downs, our good days and bad days, our sunny moods
and black moods. The less we swing in opposite directions, the
happier we tend to be. The biology of our bodies craves balance
and consistency -- changes in our thought patterns and emotions
interrupt the regularity of our nerve pathways leading to
chemical inbalance and internal disturbances.
Stress kills because stress is the critical determinant of how
we think, how we feel, how we react: all activities which
terribly upset that silent body chemistry. Events cause stress:
the death or illness of a loved one, fear of terrorism, divorce,
exposure to violence or a personal attack, financial setbacks,
loss of a job.
We cannot remove the event: it happened. We cannot control the
stress: our bodies have already reacted. We can only control our
mind and use its enormous power to move ourselves back closer to
normalcy and serenity.
Unemployment plays havoc with our emotional system. We rapidly
cycle through anger at what has happened, grief at what we have
lost, fear of what lies ahead, and recurrent shockwaves of
shame, anxiety, and despair. We take a number of hits all at
once: loss of occupational identity, economic pressure, family
anxiety, and the humiliation of job search. How can one little
mind fight all of that at once?
One step at a time.
1. Assess.
Assess your situation objectively so you can set your priorities
in order. If you are eligible, register for unemployment
immediately while identifying everything in your life you can
live without for the immediate future: entertainment, treats,
brand foods, non-generic household staples, driving for
pleasure, gourmet cooking, and eating out. Check your credit
cards and major loans (house, car) and see if there are
arrangements you can make to just pay the interest until you're
back to work. Early contacts and planning may reduce your
immediate financial burdens which will, in return, reduce your
level of anxiety and fear.
Resolve not to ruminate about the unfairness of your layoff and
identify some activities which will allow you to keep that
negative brooding at bay when it quietly sneaks up on you.
2. Ask.
Asking for support starts with bringing your family on board so
they know how you're feeling and how they can help. Even a
totally self-absorbed teenager may be willing to pull their part
when the family's survival is at stake. Explain how you are
going to organize your job search and how you will need to count
on them when you're feeling rejected and worthless. Identify a
time when you will all meet together, once a week, so you can
fill them in on what has been happening and get ideas from them
which might make your next efforts more successful.
This will help you move beyond the grief of your job loss and
the increased solidity and support will allay your sense of
worthlessness and failure.
3. Appreciate.
Use your job search activity to bolster your self-esteem. Your
confidence is already in jeopardy and your sense of self-value
under constant attack. As you take the physical steps to find
new work, take the time to nurture your emotional needs. Read
your resume not just as a document outlining your experience but
as a conduit to your character. Think back to your prior work
and education. Give yourself a mental boost for the successes
you have enjoyed, no matter how small. Pat yourself on the back
for the efforts you expended and your value as an employee. If
there were failures, as is usual for most of us, remind yourself
of what you learned and how you became a bigger, better person
for the experience. Reread any awards, special recognitions, or
recommendations you ever received and internalize such paper
symbols as evidence of your value, your worth, your ability to
contribute to the world.
When you take to the street and visit employers, agencies, or
obtain interviews, don't just focus on the outcome. It is so
easy to interview, not receive an offer, and bear down on
yourself as a no-good failure. The right offer will eventually
come if you persist. What is important now is to appreciate what
you have actually done. Give yourself credit for the actions you
personally took to get that interview: resume submission,
telephone calls, agency referral --whatever steps were needed.
The job might not have been a good fit, that's why it wasn't
offered, but you did all the right things to get the opportunity
that a personal interview affords. Revel in the fact that you
are taking the right steps in the right direction and that just
a little more time and similar effort will lead to success.
Use your mind as a source of constant self-support and
self-appreciation and it will counteract the stress you're now
feeling. Use it frequently, and use it positively, as the one
source of help and affection that will never desert you.