Festivus for the Rest of Us - How to Celebrate The Alternative
Holiday
Festivus was created by Frank Costanza, George's father on the
long-running hit sitcom "Seinfeld". As the story goes, Frank was
shopping for a doll for George's Christmas gift many years ago,
and finally found one - only to get into a physical altercation
with another man who also wanted the doll. The doll was ruined,
but from this unpleasantness a new holiday was born: Festivus.
For the rest of us.
Created as a non-denominational
holiday to counter the commercialization of Christmas, Festivus
is decidedly simple and can be a great way to celebrate
something different with friends and family. It is traditionally
celebrated on December 23rd, but many people host their
gatherings earlier in December for maximum turnout. The
traditions are not time-consuming, there are no gifts to buy or
wrap, no decor problems will arise, and you won't need to slave
over a hot stove for days in anticipation of an elaborate
dinner. Want to know how to take part in this glorious holiday?
Let's dig in!
The Festivus Pole
There is
only one item that you'll need to pick up to prepare your home
for the Festivus celebration - the Festivus Pole. Intended to be
the exact opposite of an ornately decorated Christmas tree, the
Festivus Pole is a single, bare, aluminum pole devoid of any
ornamentation.
Pick up your aluminum pole and stand it
up in the room where your Festivus celebration will take place.
It should be tall, hollow, and heavy. That's it, that's all
there is to it. No lights, no ornaments, and especially no
tinsel - Frank Costanza finds tinsel distracting.
Festivus Dinner
The rule for Festivus dinner is that
you may not serve turkey, ham, duck, Cornish hen, or anything
resembling an actual Christmas dinner. Think pasta, meatloaf,
Hamburger Helper - anything that screams home cooked comfort
food. There should be no gelatin salads, no radish roses, no
candied yams or glazed carrots. Just plain old,
stick-to-your-ribs, carbohydrate loaded culinary goodness.
Alcohol is optional. If you do serve wine with dinner,
anything pink, sparkly, and preferably from a box is a perfect
accompaniment to your Festivus meal. Domestic beer would also be
a good choice.
The Airing of Grievances
The
Airing of Grievances traditionally takes place during the
Festivus dinner. Each person at the table shares with the others
all the ways they have disappointed them over the past year.
In recent years, The Airing of Grievances has taken on
a slightly more global approach, in which each person airs
grievances about anything and everything that has annoyed them
since the last celebration. This could be the best route to take
if you think your gathering will turn personal and ugly with the
true Airing of Grievances, although to be authentic, you should
stick with tradition.
Feats of Strength
Following the Festivus dinner and The Airing of Grievances, the
Festivus host will introduce the Feats of Strength. The head of
the household now gets to test his physical strength against a
person in attendance of his own choosing. This honor is bestowed
on a different friend or family member each year, and can be
declined only if the chosen one has something better to do.
Festivus is not considered to be officially over until
the chosen combatant in the Feats of Strength challenge has
pinned the head of the household to the floor.
Try
Festivus, For the Rest of Us
If you're tired of the
hustle and bustle that Christmas brings, or if you just want
something new and different to bring some relief from the
endless holiday planning, give Festivus a try! At the very
least, you'll end up with some unique and special memories of
your relatives trying to grasp exactly what it is that you're
celebrating.