Too Many Blondes Spoil the Show
Suddenly I don't want to be Hugh Hefner anymore. It seemed like
a really good idea, in theory - you know, you live in a
beautiful mansion, have all the money in the world and hot, sexy
women at your beck and call day and night. Now ... I don't know.
Not so much anymore. See, I just finished watching one and a
half episodes of the new reality show 'The Girls Next Door'
which is about Hugh and his nine or ten girlfriends and their
life in his mansion. And it turns out that there's a bit of a
fly in the ointment. Problem is, these beautiful women ... they
talk.
Don't get me wrong. Women should talk. I'm not disputing their
right to, either. But these women ... well, let me put it this
way: the saying 'dumb blonde' is not about to be replaced by the
new saying 'genius blonde' any time soon. They aren't great
conversationalists.
It's not that beautiful women can't be smart or interesting.
It's just that they have no incentive to be. No matter what
comes out of their mouth, most heterosexual men are going to pay
attention to them as if they were Monday Night Football. They
have one commodity - their youth and good looks - and when
that's gone, it's gone.
I truly feel sorry for Hef in this. He's an extremely
intelligent and well read man and even fistfuls of Viagra can't
make up for all the time he isn't in bed with them and he has to
wade in that shallow brain pool. And the poor guy's getting old.
He's up there near eighty and on the show it's really obvious.
He's stooped over and he shuffles when he walks. Before when you
used to see Hef lounging in his bed in his PJs it looked like he
was getting ready for the bedroom activities to follow. (If you
know what I mean). These days it looks like he needs to be there
and he wants the cameras to leave, so he can nap. Then all of
these girls each have their own little yapping dog, so that the
mansion is aswarm with these cute little animals who have no
other purpose there than to be cute, because all of these
beautiful women are lonely and b-o-r-e-d owning only about one
tenth of the time of a very busy executive.
These girls pretend like being one of a half dozen of a harem to
this geezer is their dream come true, but how much of this can
we believe? Naah. It's gold digging. Plain and Simple. Which I
guess I can kind of respect, because what else do they have
going for them?
Ok. So Hugh's pretty much in it for the sex. We can agree on
that, can't we? But, when women are living together in a house
they tend to cycle together. (Scientifically proven in studies).
This means that once a month, poor old Hugh has to put up with
all of these non-brain surgeons being witchy at the same time
and he can't get nothing from any of them. All he can do is try
to get away from their yapping dogs and hide in one of the
mansion's many hiding areas.
Does it look like I might have some sour grapes here?
Yes! Oh, please, Hef invite me over to the mansion. I can take
over some of the load of listening to your hot girlfriends.
Really. I'd be more than happy to do this.