Taking An Interest In Your Marriage
Making a marriage last takes work and many couples simply just
grow apart. This issue is very common in couples that marry
young, and it is easy to understand. At age eighteen or twenty,
you are certainly a very different person than you will be at
age 30.
When you are young, your interests and direction are still
evolving. And, when that evolution begins to slow and the couple
find themselves in their thirties or forties, they may suddenly
discover that they have grown apart.
If you find yourself approaching middle age with little in
common with your spouse, you may feel like strangers. Maybe
you've run out of things to talk about - other than your
children - or you find yourself alone on a Saturday afternoon,
trying to remember what to say.
One thing that helps keep couples together is to have common
interests or hobbies. Now I'm not saying you need to do
everything together or that you must buy a rifle and get to a
practice range if your husband is an avid hunter. But you might
look for common areas of interest that you can expand on
together.
Here are some other ideas you can consider, if you are looking
for ways to share your interests and bond with your spouse.
If you don't want to take on something that interests your
spouse, and jump in with both feet, you can still 'share' your
thoughts and let them know you noticed what is important to
them.
Try clipping an article about favorite football team, or record
a TV appearance by your wife's favorite actor. Better yet, read
a newspaper article about something that interests your spouse
and talk to them about it over dinner. Ask them questions about
what you read and what they know about the topic and watch their
face light up.
Next time your spouse talks about their favorite activity,
really listen to them and be a part of the conversation. Listen
to clues as to what makes this hobby so special to them and how
you can get involved.
Talk to them about what you find interesting in the subject. For
example, if your husband belongs to a book club and he always
talks about the books he is reading, ask him about his favorite
authors or what kinds of books he likes best - mystery,
suspense, sci-fi.
If you don't have a compelling desire to share their hobby or
interest you should at least let them know that you respect and
honor it. Register your gourmet cook spouse in a local session
with a famous chef or find a website or a recipe you think will
interest them.
A particularly effective and favorite way to develop a common
interest is to look at what interests the both of you now. Then
try to find a common area or a 'type' of activity you both like.
An example might be if both of you like sports, but you don't
have a sport in common.
Perhaps you bowl and you work out at the gym, and your wife
runs. So, you are both in good physical condition and you both
like to be active. Maybe you'd like to take a sailing course
together.
Eventually, you might even buy a boat if you both like the
activity. But, for right now, start small.
If you both like music and there is one kind that you both like,
buy tickets to a concert and go see the artist.
Or take the day to go to a museum or fair that has things that
you both might like. You can visit your favorites exhibits
together and show each other what you like most about each part.
Along the way, you will rediscover the things you love about
each other and the things you already have in common. And
together you might just develop some new interests!