Relationship Evaluation
Everyone dreaded report card day in school and if you are
dreading making your own relationship report card, then you need
to buckle down and study! When you rank all of the aspects of
your relationship between you and your spouse, you need to score
in the high nineties to achieve an A+. Consider creating a
'relationship report card' with your spouse and watch the
awakening you will both experience. When you try to complete
your relationship report card, it should not turn into a 'blame
game'. It should open the lines of communication and offer some
invaluable insight into your relationship as to where you need
changes and improvements.
When you consider how you want to grade your partner and
yourself, it is a good idea to have some pre-set guidelines as
to what each grade means. For example, an 'A' might mean that
your partner isn't perfect, but obviously excelling. It could
also mean that your partner is loving, attentive, enthusiastic
and satisfying. A 'B' could stand for a partner who is always
trying, better than most and consistently works on improvement.
A 'C' might mean average or acceptable. 'C's' always indicate
plenty of room for improvement. 'D's' and 'F's' should be
reserved for unhappy situations or even hopeless ones. 'D's'
indicate never hopeless while 'F's' require more than just a
relationship evaluation. If you find that you and your spouse
have areas with a 'D' or an 'F', you need to focus on why you
are giving or receiving those grades and commit to some kind of
action in order to change and improve that grade. It might
involve a commitment on both spouses, but if both are willing to
work at it the grade is already moving higher.
When you begin working on your relationship report card, it
should be graded the same way your school papers were graded
with a number grade (ex. 80%, 50%, 95% and so on). Grade both
your partner and yourself in areas like affection, ability to
resolve conflict, attitude, commitment, communication skills,
consideration level, thinking as a 'couple', creativity,
sensitivity, flexibility, generosity, friendship and gift giving
skills.
Once you've completed that list, continue to evaluate your
honesty levels, listening skills, household management skills,
patience, love making, romance abilities and practice,
playfulness, self-esteem, self-awareness, sense of humor,
empathy, tolerance and spontaneity. If you feel that there are
any other areas relevant to your particular relationship, feel
free to add and evaluate at your discretion.
When you and your spouse are grading each other, be sure to both
participate in grading. You can work out your own particulars,
but make sure you both have a say in both of your grades.
Compare and talk about your grades and why your partner believes
you deserve a particular grade (this includes the good grades,
too!). You'll be surprised at how your partner sees your
relationship and you'll have invaluable insight into how he or
she sees your role in the relationship. Just because you may not
have earned an A+ in one area doesn't mean that you can't
celebrate. Pat yourself (and your partner) on the back for
anything over a 'B' and talk about ways you can improve on any
'C's' and 'D's'.