Planning a Wedding? Don't Forget the Officiant!
My husband and I have been pastors for over sixteen years,
serving in Protestant congregations and as campus ministers at a
large university. During that time we've presided over a lot of
weddings - probably close to a hundred between the two of us.
And one of the things we've discovered is that unless a couple
is an active member of a church or already friendly with a
minister or judge, one of the last things couples tend to think
about as they do their wedding planning is who will do
the ceremony.
Most couples work hard to find the perfect dresses for the bride
and bridesmaids, and the appropriate tuxes for the groom and
ushers. They ask nieces and nephews to be flower girls and ring
bearers, and book space for the wedding and reception months in
advance, in addition to arranging for catered food, the cake,
beautiful flowers, and a professional photographer. They order
the perfect invitations to be sent the appropriate weeks in
advance of the big day, select rings, and book the piano player,
organist, string quartet, and soloist. But one of the last
things many couples plan for is who will officiate at their
wedding. In fact, for many, it's not even on the "to do" list
until the last minute.
I can't even begin to count how many times someone has called
our office asking if we do weddings for non-members of our
congregation. We do, under the right circumstances, and tell
them so. Then they tell us that they are getting married in a
week. Or two days. Or tomorrow. And they wonder if we will do
their wedding. I'm not kidding. They made all of their other
wedding plans well in advance, the flowers are due to arrive on
time and the cake is just about to go into the oven, but they
forgot to arrange for who would preside over the spiritual
ceremony itself, not to mention sign the wedding license and
make the whole thing legal. And unfortunately, in most cases, we
can't just drop everything and preside over their wedding, not
with that short notice.
Now I certainly understand that not everyone is a regular part
of a spiritual community, so you may not have a priest or pastor
or rabbi or other religious cleric standing by to do the
wedding. And that's fine - being part of a faith community isn't
everyone's cup of tea, we each have our own spiritual path and
way of journeying on it. But if you are in the process of
planning a wedding, and don't have a pastor or other cleric you
know who could do the ceremony, consider adding "Find an
Officiant" to the top of your wedding to do list.
The Officiant can be any ordained minister who is licensed by
your state to do weddings. Or it can be a judge or justice of
the peace. If you are on a cruise, the Captain of the ship can
marry you! Some folks ask their friends to get ordained online,
and then they have them do the ceremony - and that's fine, just
make sure your state recognizes the ordination as legal.
Whatever the case, just make sure you find someone who is
licensed by your state to officiate. (If you don't have a
relationship with the Officiant before the wedding, you can
expect to pay anywhere from $50 to $300 for your Officiant,
depending on: how much, if any, pre-maritial counseling is
involved; how much planning of the actual ceremony is involved;
travel considerations; and whether or not there is a rehearsal
to attend the night before the wedding. You can ask how much is
charged before your first meeting together - most will let you
know their fee up front.)
The bottom line is this - it's your special day, you've put
hours of thought and planning and work into making it special.
Just remember, when you are choosing between prime rib and
salmon, and deciding between live music or a DJ, and trying to
figure out whether to have an open bar or cash bar, somewhere in
the mix make sure you include finding someone to actually
preside over the wedding. Because the simple fact is this - if
you don't have an Officiant, there can't be a wedding!