Making Love Last
In today's era of high divorce rates, couples who not only stand
the test of time but seem to grow more and more in love are
always being asked, "What's your secret?" Here are three secrets
to help your own romance last past the honeymoon stage:
1. MAKE ROMANTIC GESTURES BOTH PLANNED AND IMPULSIVE. Love
itself might be effortless, but the gestures that help sustain
it aren't. As with any sort of interpersonal arrangement, you
get out of romance what you put into it. Romantic gestures can
be as spontaneous as a hug from behind while you're doing the
dishes, to something planned beforehand like a card or gift.
While spontaneity reflects whimsy and impulse, sometimes a sweet
nothing means something more when it involves forethought. Your
lover wants to know you were thinking of them even when they
weren't around. Lovers also want to be surprised. So mix it up
between the planned and spontaneous gestures, from the deeply
meaningful to the silly fun. I always say that romance is
"effort-full", but the pay-off can be a love that flourishes.
2. SHOOT FROM THE HEART TO THE HEART. Having a direct link to
one another's soul is key to sustaining long-term happiness
together. Communication and authenticity are never compromised
when the connection goes straight from your heart to your
lover's. Work toward keeping the wires clean on the hotline
between your two souls by eliminating all of the interference
from games and baggage. A clear enough heart-to-heart connection
can even transcend words, helping you anticipate one another's
needs and feelings. Both of you consciously purifying the
connection helps create a safe place for sharing, one that is
private and non-judgmental. A place where love grows.
3. ENJOY YOUR MUTUAL SEPARATENESS. Viewing yourself as someone's
other half makes you tend to forget your own sense of wholeness
over time. Truly happy couples don't need to be joined at the
hip. A romance thrives with some occasional time apart.
Breathing space helps you refresh and air things out, giving you
some perspective on things as well. Doing your own thing also
helps you remain a fascinating individual for your lover --
after all, the person they fell in love with was probably an
individual at the start. Mutual separateness doesn't always mean
time apart, it can mean reading different books next to one
another in bed at night -- anything that helps you retain your
individuality. But when you do reunite after being away, how
sweet those fireworks are!