Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do It
Infidelity has different faces...and different signs and
patterns.
Yes, infidelity is complex. You probably know that or perhaps
feel the overwhelm and confusion.
Most I work with find tremendous relief, a sense of control,
confidence and power once they pinpoint the situational signs of
infidelity.
Understanding IS the beginning of healing.
Yes, there are general signs of infidelity that indicate that
your husband or wife may be cheating. After you finish reading
this page you will find a link for those general signs of
infidelity.
But, to accelerate breaking free you need to dig into and nail
down the signs and patterns of infidelity.
Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there
may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and
research, I've identified 7.
And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of
infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those
specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much
grief.
Let's begin here.
One kind of affair I write about in my e-book is called, "My
Marriage Made Me Do It."
Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of
affair:
1. Expect that your spouse will have a very powerful attachment
to the other person. The other person will consistently be on
her mind. Your spouse will shift energy away from you, the
children, the household and her career to her affair
relationship. She will be focused, but not on you. Your spouse
will attempt to push you away by avoiding you, ignoring you,
closing off communication or walking away.
2. The affair will most likely be a long-term affair. It will be
very difficult for your spouse to walk away from the other
person. He may try on a number of occasions but will continue to
gravitate back to the other person. He will hold on tenaciously.
This is probably the first or only affair for your spouse. Your
spouse is not interested in playing or fooling around but
powerfully attaching to the other person. The other person is
the savior!
3. Don't believe that the affair was planned before hand because
of a bad marriage. These affairs usually just happen. They
usually happen with someone in close proximity: co-worker,
neighbor, friend (frequently of friends with whom you
socialize), etc. The other person is usually the aggressor, your
spouse lacking the confidence to seek out the affair. The
rationale that it happened because of a lousy marriage comes
after the affair is in bloom.
4. The more you try to persuade, convince or pursue, the more
strongly he will attach to the other person. He will perceive
your efforts as weakness and will want to attach more intently
to the other person whom he (at perhaps an unconscious level)
deems to be the powerful and loving answer-to-all.
5. Efforts to use moral or religious arguments to call a halt to
the affair will be strongly resisted. Your spouse is not guided
by rightness or wrongness. These standards have not been
internalized and do not carry much weight, especially when it
comes to the important chunks of her life. The actions and
thoughts of your spouse primarily originate from her need to
attach to another person. Any behavior or concept that serves
the purpose of maintaining the attachment will be valued. Others
are discarded.
6. Expect you will spend a significant amount of time and
emotional energy in the next 2 to 4 years (especially if there
are children) attempting to resolve the relationship. By
resolve, I mean, coming to a point where each of you are fairly
free of the emotional entanglement that holds you together and
generates the pain and fear. It will be important for you to
resolve the relationship whether you continue to be married or
separate and divorce.
Does this fit your situation?
Do you see the importance of understanding in-depth the signs of
infidelity. Once you do, you will have many more options
available that will help you break free.